Out of My Mind

2007-04-12T05:51:00.000+08:00

THE REASON WHY I AM NOT HERE

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2007-04-04T04:33:00.000+08:00

GOODBYE, AGAIN

The familiar song played in the background... as he spoke.

"Sweets...." The drawl dragged on a little longer by the hesitancy.

The melody playing in the background, with the vocals setting in. Hauntingly. As if... prempting what was to come.

".. do you think we should stop seeing each other romantically?"

Ok. I think so too.

As we paused in the silence. The chorus came, and he laughed as he realised.

"... goodbye my lover.. goodbye my friend..."

"Thank you, really, you have been a great friend all these while."

It was deja vu all over again.

4 April. 4am.

What an end to a supposedly good day(an attractive job offer), with myself feeling absolutely lousy by the end of a heavy evening.

When it all got too much to me, I sniffed in the tears at 3am. I knew I needed a good bawl.

By 4, I know, I shouldn't be doing so anymore.

Goodbye.

Am I surprised? Why should I be? I so saw it coming.

It is just stupid how goodbye is painful once, and I let it have the chance to blackmail me yet another time.

It is interesting.

Just before I drifted off to sleep after tossing and turning in JB last night. I remember I wanted to blog just 2 sentences. A random thought that was strung to snippets of memories of the past couple of weeks. Of little gestures, and passing words.

And these 2 sentences, shall be goodbye.

I might have never told you this, and I don't know why I am saying this either.

You might never realise, and the others might never see, but one day, I believe, you would be a brilliant father, much better than you ever thought you would. Just a pity, not hers.

2007-04-01T18:26:00.000+08:00

SUN, SAND, SEA... & SCARLET SCARLETT

2 fruitful weekends in a row, and I am pretty pleased with how my weekends are amply utilised.

Though I have a slight suspicion that it is the anticipation of seeing Minibean later and bringing her out for some bonding 'gai gai' time tomorrow that is psyching me up(not so happy about having to use a mask since my cough is still lingering).

Still waiting for Dad to finish with his mahjong session, before picking me up. Sigh. *mumble grumbles*

Still, I made good use of Sunday with a series of housework which I had put off for the longest time. Laundry. Toilet bowl. Basin. Vacuum. Mopping. Bathtub. Tidying. Checkcheckcheckcheckcheck. And er, check.

I even had a long, nice shower so that I would smell darn good when I carry my little one in my arms later. Yay. I even watched a short demostration video to make sure I know how to use the sling later.

Oh, must make a mental note to grab a tin of Similac later too.

I am so excited that it erases any traces of melancholic-ness in me from the past few days.

Happy happy is me. I can almost skip around naked and do my little silly dances.

Maybe, that is why I finally can get down to blog about the happy times I had for the 2 weekends.

***

24th March, Saturday.

It was Mr KG's birthday, and I sent a message to wish him just like any other year. I know not how many years have I been doing this, and it is almost becoming like the only time of the year we exchange pleasantries.

I had wanted to fully utilise my Takashimaya vouchers which are still left untouched. I headed to Orchard for a brief browsing, before taking a cab down to Wenmei's place for 'Best of Hawker Fare night'.

It was a party where everyone brought along famous hawker food(yummy!) from all over Singapore... though I was wondering when did KFC and Beardpapa become hawker fare. Nonetheless, it was all ~~fattening~~fabulous and ~~sinful~~yummy.. with a lot of good fun and laugh over the very late dinner.

And yes, we were too busy eating and making merry that we didn't take much pictures.

The host and Peining.

Me and the very sweetly.. ahem, naive Eileen.

The bunch of us at Wenmei's place. When I say the world is small, it is indeed small.

You see, Chris happens to be Eileen's friend, and also is Uma's colleague.

Then, Lawrence who was there that night(who probably is unfortunately blocked by me), is Mindy's polytechnic classmate.

Then, Aaron, who is beside me in this picture in black, messaged me the next day after reading my namecard, and asked if VampTreSS is my friend, cos he is actually a talent recommended by Emelind!

Then I browsed the talents page and saw his picture folder, and VampTreSS had posted a picture of him with Eileen in the picture!

And then, Peining's boyfriend, Mike, is actually a long-time friend of my mahjong kaki. Gee!

We played card games, though Texas Poker was out of the question cos there are mirrors and reflections everywhere!

It was a fun and cosy night, till everyone left, and I made an impromptu decision to stay over since I had an appointment the next morning in Toa Payoh area anyway. Making my way back past midnight and come back again the next morning was a very unattractive option.

It was nice chatting to Wenmei till 3.30am. We have taken very different routes in life, and much things have changed since we knew each other through -gasp- IRC 8 years ago. Catching up, talking about people, and friends... while looking out into the gorgeous nightview. It was all sweetly good.

I took a while to drift off.. it must have been 5 odd.

***

The next morning, I woke up at 9.45am to leave for my appointment at 10.30am.

My heart stopped for a split second when the client told me she was already there at 10am when I was just about to leave.

I had wanted to be there 10 minutes earlier just in case, you see. It was a medical appointment, thus it wasn't of absolute necessary I was there, but because of some screw-ups by a colleague, I decided to make the trip anyway.

!!!!

So I quickly wore the borrowed a work skirt from Wenmei and left her place to hail a cab.

Just as the cab made a turn into the carpark at 10.20am, she called me to tell me she had finished with the tests, and that she had arrived earlier hoping to finish earlier. She was really nice and she said we could always meet some other time.

So, I told the cab driver to send me to the nearest train station instead.

I called up the guys who stay nearby to ask if they wanna meet up for lunch. They were at Sentosa since morning, and said they wouldn't finish early. They then told me to meet them there so we could have lunch thereafter.

I looked at myself. Heels. Work gear. Make-up. It would be damn stupid for me to turn up at Sentosa like this, no?

And I wasn't quite into the idea of buying sandals and towels and beachwear just for it.

I told Nick to go ahead, using the excuse that I have no change or clothes or sandals.

"Come down la! I have!"

"Really huh? Really ah? Okay fine."

And... off to Sentosa, I went!

First time to Sentosa since Cat's wedding! So excited.

I had spent half an hour looking for the darn express rail in the scorching sun, in heels.

And looking down at what I was wearing(black long sleeve, no less!) on this hot, sunny day is just, wrong.

A sweet father accompanying his 2 very adorable princesses looking out of the monorail train.

Hey! The year Singapore is supposed to be in the World Cup!

And the best thing that happened was............... my handphone battery went completely flat!

How do I contact the guys? Dammit.

But thankfully, I managed to get someone at the station to lend me his handphone, and Brian and Mork came down to fetch me.

Though I wanted to say I had an urge to kick Brian in the balls when he grabbed me off the front seat of the car after I had comfortably settled in. Bugger.

It was such a hot day.

When I got to the beach, I asked if they had any slippers or sandals.

I felt like twisting someone's neck when Nick said, 'Yah, I said I got change of clothes and sandals. For myself. Hahahahaha!'

Brian brought me to the retail shop and asked me to grab something for myself to change into. The cheapest singlet is 29 bucks. I almost cried murder.

After deliberating for the longest time, and I do not know what came over me, I bought myself a set of bikini which was on sale.

I was like darn shy can?

I mean, I have a halter bikini top but never ever a string bikini. And I have not wear brief-like bikini bottom before(always with shorts/boy-shorts, you see).... AND not forgetting the fact that.. I have never done it before I ever gave birth, and now.. with a... *sniff sniff* post-partum figure.. damn stressed can?

So I bought a set and threw my original set of clothes over myself.

Until I strolled to the beach the rest guaranteed me that I would definitely get cooked if I don't strip.

I was like an awkward teenager.

Bleah.

But wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! I love the beach!

I piled on lotsa sun tan and sunblock lotion, and sat under the sun, with the rest.

We had someone else joining us for the day, the very cute Yangyang who had a mild heatstroke.

Poor little baby.

Disgusting layers of fats. So don't ever try to convince me otherwise. Sharon, Mindy and me. See the different shades of colours.

I know, I know. I am trying damn hard to hide those flabs.

If all goes well... Sharon would be 'family' one day. Heh.

It was as if a day out with the mafias(check out the tatts).

My cuz Jay with Sharon.

Nick with Yangyang. Oh, and Brian.

Brian and Ting.

No wonder even when we played frisbee and hit the other beach-goers, no one ever complained.

And oh yes, I played frisbee on the beach! It was fuuuuunnn.

We played rounds of frisbee golf, and had a lot of good laugh when Brian had to chase a couple of Japanese tourists off this spot, cos it was supposed to be our "touch point" in the game.

When will I get a tan like Mindy's?
Both of us at the beach.

Nick took a very cool picture of Mindy. They tried to do the same for me, but failed miserably.

I don't think I look good as a contortionist. Heh.

And Mindy had to take this warped picture of me from top-down.

I like this picture I took of my cuz and his dog. So.. relaxing.

Boonboon, Mindy, Nick, Me and Mork. I am just glad the cooler box didn't collapse on me.
Just thought this is funny cos we all looked like awkwardly posed.

Me trying to take a picture of Yang yang.
Me trying to take a picture of Mindy running baywatch style.

Which looks like this.

Mork, Mindy and I hit the waters.

When was the last time I was submerged in the sea.....? It was very liberating.

Mork and me. With the 'ang pow' joke still going on... Nick ~~forced~~ coerced me to..

... do silly things like...

Okay. That's not working.

Brian, Nick and me.

The very bugger who tricked me down to Sentosa. Idiot!!

End results? I had very bad sun burns on my shoulders, which was very enticing for my colleagues to slap me on the shoulders when I returned to work. Wearing clothes proved to give great discomfort too.

But thanks to someone's very fabulous sunblock, I didn't find my face any shade darker, nor do I have any burnt like I always used to do.

It was not surprising when I had accidentally squirted much of it out and applied excessively(I know not of the law of estimation) on my face.

Which the guys.... kinda made some kinky jokes out of.

Uhm. Oh well.

~~Slut.~~

We ended the day at around 4 plus in the afternoon.. and the rest were heading to the east instead.

So I left without lunch! Grr.....

I had muscle ache after all the workout we had with the frisbee. Not forgetting chasing Brian down the beach with my 3 and half inch heels in hand.

Tsk tsk.

Oh oh oh. I saw a very cute guy whom I thought is a friend of mine at the beach just as we were driving out of Sentosa. I held his gaze and he smiled, before I realised he wasn't a friend.

Damn. Damn cute, can?

Looks like Japanese kind. Takashi Sorimachi, who is like, my favourite Japanese actor.

Sheesh. Then he, waved, and I smiled and waved back.

I should have stayed on the island.

Be still my heart.. Pom pom. Be still.

***

I very proud of myself. I took a bus cos it was too tiring for me to walk to Harbourfront MRT station, and I changed bus, and walked the dreadful distance from the bus stop home.

I thought I was tired, but I didn't even nap.

I was just.. incredibly hungry.

I was baked, absolute scarlet. For a few days, before it went away.

***

Wednesday, 28th March.

I went to work, and then rushed off for a casting. Coincidentally, Tara actually works at the company where the casting was held.

I brought Wenyen and Emelind down, and Brian joined us slightly after.

VampTreSS was late and joined us at the company.

We then went to sit down and bitch at a nearby Italian restaurant to wrap things up.

I then remembered I had a hair appointment to go to because a friend's friend needed a guinea pig for hair colouring training at Toni & Guys Essensuals, and I agreed to help.

I rushed down from the meeting place to Cuppage, and it was darn irritating to walk for 10 minutes to MRT, take train for 10 minutes, and then had to walk for another 10.

The whole thing took hours, because I didn't anticipate that before, during, and after, the trainer would have to vet through the process(which is good, really), and give pointers and comments to the trainee.

The trainee has already worked there for a year plus, but it is just that they have to constantly train, so they are not like students.

All I had to pay is the chemical charge. Say if you wanna highlight, it is like 30 bucks for dyes(great bargain!), or 30 bucks for colouring, which are reliable and known hair products they use for usual customers.

And I would say they are really professional, and did a pretty good job. I like it actually, though leaving the place almost 4 hours later was a dread.

But because they are so meticulous with their work, I think they did a better job than those trained stylist.

Halfway through, I was supposed to have dinner with Uncle Roy, VampTreSS and Brian as a reward for the Habbo manual work we did for Roy. They chose the Japanese restaurant next to where I was, and I remember going there with Lingshen and Kaiming once and I really liked it.

But.. it dragged for so long because at first they wanted to do half head, but then because of my layers, they did full head of highlights, and added many more rows of foils.

So... I asked them to order for me, and since I couldn't leave in time, I told her to release me for dinner during the waiting time for the colours to set in.

BIG MISTAKE.

I knew very well they would laugh their heads off if they see me, and boy, was I right!

Imagine me walking briskly out of the salon and popped over next door in the open air, cape and all, looking totally atrocious.

I was hungry, do I look like I care?!

Yah, obviously I didn't care looking like some.. alien.

Somemore the foil makes me look like I was wearing some armoured headgear.

A series of darn ugly pictures.

Don't ask me what I was doing. I have no idea.

I took a half an hour dinner break before I went back and washed away the dye.

It was already darn late when I finished with the wash and blow.

They blew my hair straight so the trainer could vet the results of the dye.

They changed my parting cos my severe hair loss means the bulk of hair loss is at my original parting.
I kinda miss my straight hair though most people still prefer my curls.

I feel like going down to do rebonding.. by the trainee again. Hehehe.

We(Tracy, Brian, Nick and Boon boon) adjourned to Kovan's Hong Kong cafe, before Boon boon drove me back. Thanks dear!

***

I got back from work early on Friday cos a colleague from the branch asked me to join her for a church outing at Science Centre in the evening.

I got home, changed, took my lens out, before taking a short bus ride there in my slippers.

It was a nice and cosy evening out, though I didn't get to see the stars at the observatory.

I walked home from the Science Centre to make some work calls, and it was a nice, breezy walk.

At 10 plus, as I moved on to a new episode of Heroes(after finishing half of episode 9 I left off the night before, I tried to watch episode 10) , I dozed off half way, and found myself awake only at 2.45am.

Gee, I didn't know I was that tired.

The screwed up bed time means.... another 6 episodes till morning, before I finally succumbed to an odd sleep filled with weird dreams(I dreamt that I flew! Heroes overdose alert!).

I remembered SBB called, but I couldn't remember what it was about.

I woke up around 2ish, and then it started raining not long after.

I finished the remaining 2 episodes, and would now have to wait for the latest episodes to be out in the US. Long wait.

Left home to head for Wenmei's place when it finally stopped. Her housewarming BBQ.

I bought some beer and walked to the place, cutting through a park. Gee.. it was quite dark and scary actually and I wondered if anyone would find me if I dropped into the pond.

It was a nice affair to catch up with the girlies again.

Though one sip of Baileys Mint gave me a very bad headache and I just wanted to lie down.\

Slowly turning pink.

Uma's sexy pout and Ting's cheekiness.

Peining, who is also slightly red from the alcohol.

The young babe Jiaqi and us! I was already getting a little delirious. No thanks to 5-10.

We adjourned up to Wenmei's place where we watched some of the wedding videos, which made me cringe slightly whenever I saw... hurhurhur.

Jasmine and Edwin reached around 11 plus, and Sherry also reached around 11.

Oh oh, we played some drinking board games that you have to name items from certain category chosen by one player. Gary went straight for the category of 'Sex Toys' and the trips to sex shops with my darling biatches have paid off.

Though they were looking at me with absolute ~~horror~~ ~~respect~~ amusement over my ahem, "in-depth" knowledge of tools.. let me just emphasize the fact that it wasn't much of me being 'experienced', but it was that they were igorant. Muahaha.

Wenmei, Gary, Jasmine, Edwin and I then headed to some pub near Boat Quay to chill for rest of the night, where we sang a bit, and played dice game.

I think I should never play 'I have never...' game with them.

And I would think if I have played 'I have never...' game with them before I met SBB, wow-wee, I would have so much more to say.

The low-blow is when Jasmine said.. 'I have never been married...' in an attempt to trap Wenmei, and 'I have never given birth...' to trap me. I so saw that coming!

All in all, it was great fun.. though I have some questions lingering in my head that I so want to probe. *stifle sniggers*

Hitched a ride on Gary's friend's car to Queenstown before I took a cab back home from there, ending the night.

Gee, almost half past 6 and Dad's still not done.

Bleargh.

***

A friend asked me what had went on between me and CBB.

Apparently, his friend had told someone that something went on between us. Then the someone told someone, who told my friend.

I smiled slightly at the memory and grinned sheepishly, before giving tidbits of details which set some records straight.

Woops.

2007-03-30T16:01:00.000+08:00

BORING RECAPS

In the past 2 weeks... there were mundane days, but there were also days I really enjoyed, having a nice day out with friends.

I had wanted to keep track of things that happened, and loaded tons of pictures, but those pictures are still stacked away somewhere in my drafts folders.

Soon. Soon. So many many many Minibean's pictures, you know! *Beams proudly*

She's like so adorable in them.. SBB once use the term 'f**king cute'(me not prude, just that you know, I am talking about Minibean here) to describe her pictures.

I will try to make my recap short. Try is the word.

19th March, Monday.

SBB was over at mine, and refused to wake up. We had went for bak chor mee supper in the middle of the night the night before, and cuddled up to watch CSI Miami. I drooled on him enough for him to tease me the next day.

20th March, Tuesday.

I reported to One Raffles Link branch, and had breakfast with the very nice people there. I was pretty nervous and scared, but they are surprisingly very nice and unassuming people. I really enjoyed their company. The manager is one fabulous lady too.

I went out for an appointment with one of the bankers, and the chap we met is a nice Indonesian man. Let's hope this will bring us somewhere since I would really like to close one for him.

Got back, joined the rest for lunch, and the team spirit here is definitely much more prominent than that of MDH. Went to get Minibean some new socks, teether, and a sling to carry her with. I enjoy carrying her so much that I would rather be carrying her rather than pushing her in a pram. And since I saw the Mums in Mind sling everyone has been raving about, I got one for myself as well.

Bumped into Shujun in the ladies. Gee, she is in the same office as I do. How coincidental is that?

Had drinks with my colleague(Thanks Glenn for bringing my box of pampers for me from MDH!) and the person-in-charge of the project, before Dad drove by to pick me up to head straight back to JB.

Had dinner together before Dad drove us back to Singapore around 9ish, with Minibean sleeping in my arms. Her curiosity is like so easily roused. She wants to be held up high to look at the scenery outside.

I eagerly checked out her tooth, her rashes, and the other differences that came about ever since the last time I saw her.

And she didn't give me much trouble throughout the night, except when she was hungry.

VampTreSS, Roy and Brian dropped by for a meeting, and since Roy and VampTreSS had wanted to see baby as well.

Brian was well freaked out when he had reached earlier(the other 2 were having supper), and found himself in the situation that he had to help me tend to Minibean whilst I ran to the kitchen to get a bottle of milk done when she woke up. The look on his face was priceless.

Muahahaha.

Minibean pooped when Uncle Roy carried her, and that look, too, was priceless. Muahahaha.

And to think she responded with charming, cheeky giggles while in her soiled diapers... how not to love her?

Uncle Roy met her 4 times, and had never seen her cry, he said. And yes, she kept smiling throughout the night, and many pictures were taken.

(I am smiling as I am typing this)

All of them had the chance to take pictures with her, and she was then tossed to Brian as we had wanted to see how he would react.

Amazingly, he was quite alright and didn't fluster like we thought he would. I guess the suggestion of 'hold a baby like you would hold a puppy' helped.

The guys stayed on till it was 2 plus before they took their leave.

Not before Roy helped to feed her as she dozed off into a deep slumber, and we tried hard to adminster her medication to her as she slept.

***

The little one slept soundly till noon.

I tried to use the tips given by Lilly to prepare Minibean to be a water baby by splashing and scooping some water with my hand over her head when I bathed her.

She took it well and wheeee... I would enrol her in swimming classes soon and attend classes with matching bikini to hers!

I heart, heart, heart Minibean.

***

SBB wanted to see Minibean.

And it was strangely odd to see him staring hard at her, and her, grasping his finger in her palm, and suggested for a picture to be taken. Of us.

He tried to play with her, and clumsily carried her close to his chest, shooting me helpless looks whenever she looked a tad uncomfortable and was ready to wail.

I lazed in his arm as he stroke Minibean's face with the other.

I turned away and tried not to look when he said goodbye, and leaving pecks on her tiny face before he left.

***

It was then time for her to get ready for her checkup.

Dad picked us up to drive down to NUH for the appointment.

She is now 61 or 62 cm! Tall little lass she is.

She was given the go-ahead for her jab, and it was cool to see that she took it very well again this time.

She grimaced for a bit and didn't even wail as soon as the needle was pulled out. And thank God, she didn't even have any fever post-jab.

She was so cute even strangers came up to make conversations.

Must be my good genes. Cough.

Will dedicate a post just for her pictures soon. Yup, er, soon.

Sent her back to Malaysia after her jab, and returned promptly with plenty of fatigue to head to a shoot in Toa Payoh.

And that was the start of another long night.

The shoot finally went on smoothly after 2 previous hiccups, and thankfully, we had fabulous clients out of the guys. We adjourned to David's studio despite that we had wanted to leave, cos we thought Roy wanted to hold a meeting.

When he reached, then did we realise we were cheated!

Roy had wanted our help as slaves!

He had this last minute printing job that went awry and had needed manual help.

100 pieces of Habbo stickers, that we were supposed to cut out by the outline, and I tell you, there were many small squares and zig-zags we have to cut... and at the end of the night, my hand was trembling from the over-exertion.

And after the initial 2 hours(we started at late 10), he had declared we would only need another hour for completion.

At around 1 ish or 2am, we adjourned to his place.

And we didn't leave till it was 5 in the morning!!!!

Where to find friends like us, tell me? Free of charge labour, you know? It wasn't long before Brian's eyes were bright red and swollen, and I was seeing black squares like those from the stickers.

Brian then dropped me off near the expressway entrance before I took a cab home.

I couldn't get Habbo out of my mind. *shivers at thought* Those little people haunt me.

But it was darn fun. Almost addictive as you stare intensely at the outlines, and just cut it pixel by pixel. Almost OCD. Damn therapeutic(they decided I am insane from Habbo overdose).

Yay. I cut the most Habbos for the night!

***

Had replacement meeting back in my main office.

By the time I finished, I went for lunch alone when FF called me to meet up at... duh, The Atrium, which is like, right next to where I report these days(Singapore has limited places I guess).

We went to sing KTV with Pot Pot(it is a person) and I had fun laughing when SBB asked me why was I torturing my eardrums like that when he sang.

They went for dinner at Mr Bean before FF went shopping with me. I very the happy, because I bought a pair of killer boots for 5 dollars from ALDO!

Shopping with vouchers proved to be a daunting task because it would escalate into a game of Mathematics as we tried to work a 145 budget with 6 x $30 vouchers.

Eventually, I intelligently whipped out my 20 bucks Wisma vouchers, and used 4 ALDO vouchers, and topped up another 5 bucks.

The boots were comfortable and were on sale. And as much as I know how impractical it is, I had wanted boots for the longest time but had never found anything I fancied.

And I thought the back of the boots are really cool.

A bit the kinky huh...

For 5 bucks!! Whee.

And now, I still have 80 bucks of vouchers(I just got another Wisma voucher!) to get a pair of work shoes before the sale ends. *Grins*

Took a cab back with FF, before she dropped me off at Buona Vista station and I took a cab home.

Oh, SBB came over, and I have the suspicion he likes the boots very much.

Almost too much.

We tried to watch CSI Miami after that but we maxed out.

***

It was Awards Night for the company on Friday.

Amazingly, Ting forgot her phone.

I am the type who doesn't bother about returning to home for phone, and thus, had to live without it for the day.

I met up with FF at Novena Square. I was 15 minutes late, and was walking towards the pay phone when she suddenly appeared.

She telepathetically came down to look for me cos she had a feeling I forgotten my phone and something told her to head down to look for me. Just as the moment I was walking out!

The force is strong with us.

We had dinner and stuff before JD picked us up in a cab and headed to her place. Potato joined us shortly after and we played mahjong till SYT dropped by at West wind. Potato also can predict future. She joked about SYT dropping by at West wind, and that we would tell him we just started and that we had preferred West, so we started with West. Muahahaha.

Loved playing with the girlies!

I did my jiggly dance at Potato, and I wished she had followed me too.

It was a lot of fun and laughter despite we swore not to be bitchy.

Bitchy? Where got.

I then took a cab down to New Asia, to meet up with the agency people.

It was almost 1ish. I had thought it would be at Balaclava and thus was in shorts and sandals. I stuck with the shorts, and borrowed JD's heels.

I popped in contacts and piled on a lil makeup.

And muahahaha, at the foot of the building, I had someone coming up to me to make conversation, 'I just want to let you know you have gorgeous legs.'

COUGH.

He was drunk I think!

And then he escorted me up to 70th floor before he shook my hand and said goodnight.

Odd. Strange.

I joined the rest of the guys and I danced with the girls. Amazing bunch of people to be with. Only complaint is everyone had a partner that night. Gr....

We hit the dancefloor, and apparently I was harrassed most part of the night.

Coincidentally, I bumped into Paul, one of Wenmei's wedding helpers, who was there, alone.

I played 5-10 with the guys and drank the most beer I had in a long while. I am bad drinker.

Luckily, Chris' girlfriend drove us all home.

***

Since I have pictures for Saturday and Sunday(25th), will blog it in the next post.

***

Monday - 26th

Was an odd day cos of the EBB, SBB and CBB incident. Made some calls to the clients in the evening, before meeting up with FF who came down to Plaza Singapura.

Had dinner, before we met up with JD, for our usual craving for.. Mahjong, what else?

I decide that I would stop swearing and look fierce over mahjong table. But but but... I am just expressionless.

I have no idea why I get emo when playing mahjong. Thinking time during mahjong is bad for concentration.

Finally, I took a cab home with SBB dropping by with groceries.

***

Tuesday. Nothing much like I had mentioned.

***

Wednesday, 28th.

Will blog together with the other pictures!

***

Today is a slow day. I can actually blog at work is an amazing thing. If only I have a lappy and 3G connection everywhere I go!

The only thing that perks me up a little on this little gloomy day.

***
Did I mention how I couldn't stop eating these days?

Sigh.

No wonder my tummy flab is creeping back instead of shrinking.

*Sulks*

2007-03-30T13:05:00.000+08:00

BLANK

I woke up with a heavy head today. Probably due to dehydration since I didn't drink much water yesterday.

Slowly, the heavy head evolved into heavy heart as the day progresses to noon.

Something inside me is eating me up and I just don't feel good.

I am reluctant to face people today, possibly I am just afraid of them.

Eek. Someone asked a male colleague if he was after me. Duh. What ever happened to the pure and innocent thoughts about platonic friendship. We come from same company and always have quite a bit of free time at hands, so we tend to hang out a bit. That shouldn't account for anything, right?

Sometimes, I just wish I am invisible.

One of my favourite colleagues has a promotion. That's nice.

Been a while since I last blogged about my daily activities eh?

Despite spending main bulk of my time consumed by CSI(I finally caught up with approximately 15 episodes over the past week) and Heroes(I shall not mention how my early day back home yesterday was spent watching the 1st 9 episodes at one go. 9 more to go!), and the ever-routine pressurising work, I realise I still DO have a life somewhere with my social-butterfly self at its best.

Perhaps overdose of that makes me a recluse for these 2 days. I couldn't wait but head straight for home on Thursday. It doesn't matter if it means missing dinner, and just holing up under the duvet like it's the only place I feel safe.

I spent my day my Tuesday(27th) in similar fashion, and I liked it. Nothing worth mentioning, yet felt terribly fulfilling spending a little time with myself.

My colleagues and I ended slightly before 5 and I reached home at early 5pm, feeling good to start my Heroes marathon, nude under the blankies.

9 hours of Heroes plus a bit of housekeeping in the middle of the night is crazy but good for a little off-time for the mind.

Until it was near midnight, when I was tempted to up a colleague's(none of those I mentioned before) offer to join him at Boat Quay since I owe him a beer, but thought it was too late to head out. I would have done so on other nights, but I was just... a bit anti-social and the thought of meeting his friends scares me. I am so no good with people.

He seems like a nice person and a really good company though we have yet to hang out, so perhaps would catch up with him a little after I leave the bank.

And... it was also near midnight, before a surprising SMS came in. Someone I met at a friend's wedding just over a month ago and we bumped into each other again recently. Hurhurhur.

Basically, in his words, he was bored and thought of asking me out. To a bar perhaps and that he would fetch me.

But I was too comfortable at home so despite how he then suggested I could just wear casual and 'we just go drive drive lor' and that it would be a guaranteed nice place(SBB said 'it is almost like I ask someone out to Mt Faber or some place you know... you know..') that I wouldn't be disappointed.. I was simply too anti-social and tired to do so.

He then messaged I don't walk much and he would reach my place in 15 minutes.

!!!! Like salesperson doing closing huh!

I then said I would take a raincheck cos I was really tired.

I wonder what place he was talking about.

***

Today is just not the day. With barely a hint of makeup and a heavy heart, I just want to slip into oblivion and wish my existence is barely noticeable.

I am just freaking glad that my colleague manages to get some 3G network and kindly offer this place of solace for me.

And I would like to dedicate this entry to someone I have never met, never seen, never knew, who possibly went through the worst possible decision in a courageous manner.

Just wanna let you know.. my thoughts were with you throughout, and I wish I could have helped more, be there for you more. As much as I had wanted to speak to you, I didn't have the chance to...

He will be there for you. Have a good cry and find peace in Him.

It is almost deja vu for me. There is much I would want to say, but words fail me at this moment.

And don't look back. There is bound to be regrets... but don't let them damage you further than things already have.

Somehow as I am typing this, I... feel a surge of emotions that moist my eyes.

I couldn't help but read back my archives in May 2006, the 11 May would have been the day I terminated Minibean's chances of becoming who she is today... She was 11 weeks then.

I feel like heading for home and hide under my duvet now.

2007-03-27T01:08:00.000+08:00

AN ODD EQUATION

Tell me this is not odd.

I saw EBB today. I got a little nervous and a little scared. He seems to have this effect on me these days, and I try my best not to get myself into compromising situations whenever he is around.

My flirting claws are filed very nicely these days, and I tame that part of me very well.

Off-peak season, I declare.

So, he tried to get me to the stairways again today as I was leaving(I was leaving and he followed me to the exit), which I gave him a child-like shake of the head, and a slight frown, to decline his offer. I had guessed the motives behind.

I lightened the moment by mouthing, ‘No, don’t want! You are up to no good.’
In fact, I dialled for SBB just so he would be on the phone with me, and that was when EBB had tried to gesture me to the back, where the stairways are.

I got off the phone when the lift opened up, and there was someone in there.

And I thought I was safe.

As the passenger emerged from the lift, the very fast one shut the door and pressed for the top floor.

Very smart.

I was busy on the phone, SMSing JD, when he slammed my phone shut.

And of course, he cornered me again. This time, I had pushed his hands away.

And this time, I really don’t like what he was doing to me. I remember my hands were really, really cold.

And I wished I had verbalised it out, instead of just walking out of the lift feeling totally awkward, yet trying my best to act normal.

I used to think of him as a really nice and sincere friend… but I am not so sure anymore. The credits of his niceness to me seem to be weaning out real fast with the recent happenings.

The moment I got out of the lift, I called JD, who was in a meeting.

I dialled for FF, since the 3 of us were supposed to meet up.

I chatted with EBB for a while since we were out in the open, and he tried to get me to stay.

I didn’t. I didn’t want to.

I smiled and said bye.

He went off, and I said by the side, making some business calls and return some others.

I was on the phone with SBB barely a couple of minutes after EBB left, and I told him what happened.

I had my sight on the floor.

When I lifted my head up the next moment, I saw the backview of.. ahem, CBB, with SBB still on the phone.

*Gasp*

He must have just left the building.

Oh.

Uhm…. Hmm…

***

Oh, it is the birthday of this really nice(oh, cookie points for being cute too!) bloke my friends tried to pair me up with recently.

I sent him a message a quarter after midnight, and his reply gotten a girlish giggle out of me, despite it being really simple, and… nothing.

It must be something to do with the ‘Hey sweetie…’

I am a sucker for the word sweetie.

And till date. Only the Ex and SBB exclusively used that.

Sheesh.

***

Something really odd is happening.

Today, a very, very innocent, decent and nice male colleague, suddenly said what I heard to be, ‘Sheesh, I think I am talking too much to you. I am getting horny.’

????????????

He was saying in such a matter-of-factly, confused manner, that I looked at him incredulously, frozen by shock for a moment.

I was like, ‘HUH? What?! Why you say that?’

If you think we are talking about indecent stuff prior to that, you are darn wrong. It was something to do with food, and we had just emerged out from the mall.

I thought to myself, then I started laughing like a madwoman, with my laughter echoing through the entire atrium.

“You mean you are getting corny huh? Sorry I heard wrongly!!!” I thought it was an honest mistake on my part, because I had been telling too much lame jokes in the office these days.

Then in all seriousness, he said, ‘Err… actually, yah, I did say horny.’

………………… *Speechless*

‘WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?! You wanna die ah? WHAT HAVE I DONE? Have I ever said anything to give you wrong idea? I DON’T EVEN SAY SUGGESTIVE JOKES IN FRONT OF YOU! I don’t even flirt with you!!! Why you say that? Teeeeeellllll meeeeee!!!’

The meek, and decent goodboy refused to give me the reason, but he did agree that I have never given him wrong idea nor did I even say anything suggestive nor flirt with him before.

So what the hell went wrong here??

And with him around, I have always been the crazy madwoman saying lame jokes(G ones somemore!), swearing like a man, totally without grace nor poise.. so what’s wrong man?

What really appalled me is the fact that… just a week back, another male colleague, had told me the exact same thing.

He was walking beside me in the mall when we were just casually talking about cars, and he suddenly told me he is horny. As in, he is horny that very moment.

Not in the suggestive manner, but in the matter-of-factly manner.

I so don’t understand men anymore.

Having said that, I am ending this off, since SBB is on his way and had just called to ask me what drinks I want. He is buying me instant noodles/cereals/bread/eggs so I wouldn’t starve myself.

Aww,, when has he became soooo sweet?

He would probably peek at this entry to feed his insatiable curiosity of things that don’t concern him.

Like I said, I so don’t understand men anymore.

(Sidenote: See! I so knew he will snoop my blog the moment he reaches. First thing he said? So why didn't you stay on the phone with me? In the lift, darling. 2nd thing? I didn't want you to starve yourself. Why? So Minibean wouldn't be your responsibility huh?)

2007-03-26T02:55:00.000+08:00

REFLECTIONS

I did something I never quite did before, for the first time today.

I was out there, and it didn't feel real.

It is amazing what tiny reflections could do to you... and to those around you. However subtle, these reflections could be.

On a side note, spontaneity is such an adrenalin booster. It makes you do silly things.

I was out there, today.

Need hints? No prize for guessing where I was.

And as the saying goes... picture says a thousand words.

This picture, perhaps, speaks 2000?

Or could it be 3000?

Starring Nick with the main lead - his sunnies. Boon boon. Mindy. Brian. Ting.

If you didn't get what I mean. 1000 - for the picture itself. 2000 - for the story the reflections tell. 3000 - it depends on your perspective. Is each of the frame a story of its own?

Just as I was thinking back on what had transpired today, Nick sent me the pictures he had taken today. I was scrolling through this series of pictures he took, and I would perhaps upload all of them soon.

And somehow, reflections, the theme I was just chewing on, aptly reflected in the pictures he conceptualised, using reflections.

So cute. What a little pun.

Nick never fails to amaze me with his kooky ideas, and I think the series of reflections he took, are really fabulous.

Wonder why Boon Boon so broody though. Heh.

Thanks guys, I had a great time today.

2007-03-25T18:27:00.000+08:00

MEME. ME ME ME.

Gee.

I am like, so... long never blog.

So huh, I am going to do the meme I was tagged with.

And blardy hell, I have to do 3, you know?

Sorry JD, I promise I will blog in my new domain once I figure out how to!

And yes, the fabulous JD had decided to spring me a surprise in the middle of the night, at 3am, the 20th, to announce to me the birth of joewei.net.

She has painstakingly done up the site, and migrate my posts over for me!

No mean feat okie!

And for the first time in my 26 years life, I finally.... have my own domain.

If I could, I would have invited some dong chiang dong chiang for some lion dance.

Thanks babe, that was utterly sweet. I was almost speechless. Can cry, you know?

You know I love you, darling. *Beams*

Okay, so I was saying.. the meme.

I am supposed to say 6 weird things about myself right?

Scarlett Ting's 6 weirdies:

1) I blush when I talk to girls. Don't ask me why, I have freaking no idea. I tend to be a lot shy-er around girls than guys. Ask FF, and she would tell you how I blush and stare hard on the floor instead of maintaining eye contact the first time we said 'hi'.

2) I am freaking afraid of escalators. My palms will sweat buckets just thinking about it. I keep having the feeling I would fall backwards when I am on them, and I would have to sit down sometimes. Sometimes going on them can make me cry, and I am not joking. It is no wonder I once drop the entire wheelchair(unoccupied, haha) down at Dhoby Ghaut station.

3) I am afraid of dead fish. Just staring at them make my hair stand. When it is really bad, I will puke at the sight of them. I don't know why, but it has something to do with the skin, the slight apart mouth, and the eyes staring back... it reminds me of the pet ariwona my neighbour had.. which died right before my eyes, with blood flowing out of its mouth. *Shivers*

4) I think french loaf, with hard cheese, top with chilli sauce is absolutely delicious. Alas, I haven't had that since I returned from UK. I used to have that as breakfast everyday.. and I can finish up almost the entire loaf.

5) I like to stare at people. Just stare, and observe. I tend to look for traces of emotions, or just study people's features. It might come across as rude, or may send out the wrong signals. Like how I was staring at this cute guy at Sentosa today, whom I thought look like a friend... I ended up staring a bit too long, and he started smiling and waving at me, before I realised he is not my friend....

Damn. I should have stayed on on the island.

6) I like plucking my armpit hair. It is kinda fun actually.

6 weird things about Minibean:

1) I like to stick my tongue out to taste the air. I was like this when I was inside mummy(the ultrasound pictures are evidences!). I was like this the moment I was borned. And I am still doing it everyday.

2) Despite my really young age, I already have one tooth sticking out the bottom row of my gums. Not just the edge of it, but it stands prominently as a complete tooth. :D

3) Oh guess what. I am smart. It is weird cos Daddy isn't. Oh wait, it shouldn't be weird cos Mummy is. Then again, you be the judge. Granny was going to make a call to Mummy, and whenever she says, 'We going to call Mummy!', I will instinctively turn to the phone and stare at it. Am I smart or am I smart?

4) I smile at uncles more than aunties! Hehehehe. But charming the opposite sexes are what my parents do best.. so it shouldn't be that weird, should it?

5) I don't cry nor make a din when I pooped on myself. Eeeee.

6) I think I love music. I already know how to sing when cued to, and when I was inside Mummy, I kicked for 3 hours, non-stop, when she was singing karaoke with Auntie Vamp. In fact, I was kicking to the tempo. Mummy says she is going to make me a drummer.

6 weird things about... Ting's 24-inches waist:

1) On days when Ting is constipated, I am 26 inches.

2) I expand after drinking gaseous drink.... and would only shrunk back after a round of intensive, satisfying, wholesome farts.

3) I have no stretch marks... which should be weird, cos I have been through 10 months of sheer hell of stretching, and expanding to house Minibean.

4) I been through a lot. Really. From the days of 21-inches to, the days of 1-metre. And you thought 40 inches only applies to televisions...

5) My pride is constantly hurt. Ting hates me, and I don't know why.

6) I am vain. Vainer than Ting. I think I look good with a tattoo or a belly ring. After I lose the lard around me.

2007-03-21T03:42:00.000+08:00

BY MY SIDE

I finally see my baby after 2 weeks 2 days of being away from her.

I was so afraid she wouldn't recognise me, and that she would have so much changes that I would feel so out of loop.

I think I miss her a lot.

Just this evening alone, I have taken almost 200 pictures of her.

This is an obsession man.

On this rainy night, she has not only the company of me, but also the company of Uncle Roy, VampTreSS and Brian.

I think she is happy.

I am too.

2007-03-19T05:30:00.000+08:00

LATE-TWENTIES, SOON...

Thing have been a little fast-paced these days, and I find it an absolute joy to be able to catch up on the latest episodes of CSI: Miami(I found my favourite episode out of Episode 15 of Season 5) on a Saturday night, not going anywhere.

That explains why I had originally wanted to blog, but was too reluctant to give up being a couch potato.

Eventually, I only slept at 5.20am, despite having the need to wake up at 9am for work this morning. And that was only after SBB shoo-ed me to bed when I insisted wanting to catch another episode before calling it a day.

I skipped that episode, but still stayed up to surf... tsk.

It was cool when my colleague messaged me at 3.30am, and we exchanged a few SMSes(he offered to give me a lift this morning), before we told each other off for being up so late(the guys went St James!).

It was no wonder that we both overslept and woke up after 9.15am when he was supposed to pick me at 9.30am.

Went back to office, and it was darn scandalous when a colleague walked in, and he was helping me putting on a tie from the back(he doesn't know how to do it mirror-way), and the said motherly colleague looked a little taken aback. Muahahaha.

And oh yes, I was handsome today.. when I tried to merge into the guys' crowd by wearing pants, white shirt and tie. My colleague passed me a feminine tie though I had specially requested for his 300 bucks LV one. Heh.

I should kept my hair bunned up. Ah well.

The event went pretty fine in my opinion, and the team effort was commendable. I think the agency is a fun bunch, and I adore the people who are in it.

Like, fellow yummy mummy, Justine, with her awfully cute daughter, Enya, who was terribly shy.

She looks so much like Justine herself.

Apparently, people feel there are much similarities between Justine and I. I think is.. er.. the blurness?

And she also wants to take her bike licence(yes, I still haven't given up this yet) too! Is she cool or what?

Only difference is, my sales is not even half of hers!
Another yummy mummy in the house! Janet. She is one of the kindest, most amazing wife I have ever met. Despite her tender age of going 22, she is an amazing lady. I love this girl!

The ~~Aunties~~ Mummy Club!

When I was looking at the picture, I realise all of us have daughters.

Janet(16 months-old Queenie), Jenny(my loanshark! With grown up children), Kelly(3 years-old girl and a 5-month old boy), Me(Minibean is 3 and half months already!) and Justine(3 years-old Enya).

I supposed the next would be Evelyn's turn!

It is amazing that I was looking at the picture from Evelyn's wedding, and Minibean was so mini in the picture!

Hair in a mess when the fund talk by Aberdeen fund manager was going on.

I was saying.. this picture looks damn gay. Damien, who never fails to cheer all of us up with his lameness. Nice chap whose sales figures are horrifyingly high, so much so that he is secretly creeping up my would-love-to-assasinate list.
The lovely bunch of people, a pity my manager was actually busy with some stuff and missed the only group picture taking of the day. All of them have been absolutely lovely, and there is no loathesome people in the group, it's almost amazing. I mean, it is hard to find a workplace where you adore and get along with everyone, no?
We were all fascinated when we were clearing up, cos Tommi put this on.

Wah darn nostalgic can! The Unbeatables with Zoe Tay and Li Nanxing. I awed myself when I could sing every word of the theme song.

Must be getting old... look so retro.

It has most of us glued to the screen, refusing to move. Even boss was captivated. Remember those days...
Me and Ronald, my designated chauffeur since my preggie days since he stays in Boon Lay, and the one who did my tie for me. Heh. Great, great chap.

He very nicely sent me back to Jurong after the event finished at 4 plus, after he picked up his girlfriend from Orchard, saving me the transport trouble.

Back to home, it was more house chores(wah! I cleaned up the house again!), and I uploaded many pictures onto a hosting site so my colleagues could access to them.

Spoke to Mum.

Oh, I think I didn't mention what happened after they brought her to the doctor's right?

Apparently, my blur parents(sigh, it's in the genes, apparently) had stopped given her what they had thought was medication for stomach upset, when in fact, it was actually the cough suppressant that was supposed to be the most important medication.

No wonder she wasn't getting well cos they stopped after only one day!!!

..............

And they said I make bad mother with my boo-boos.

But yet, they say she still coughs at around 4am every morning, and my Mum says when she hears Minibean coughs, she also want to cry...

Baby, must get well soon kappa?

Since I got home only at 5ish, my original plan of visiting her must delay till Tuesday night.

I think house chores are therapeutic, and hopefully help me shed a few pounds.

I took a nap at 9+ for a couple of hours, before another stress-inducing SMS came through from my manager.

Phew.

Breathe, baby, breathe.

***

Had supper at Taman Jurong with SBB as we took a ride around the neighbourhood.

Nostalgic, as I went past places I used to grow up.

He can't stop gawking at me blogging, and I have problems finishing up this post with him scrutinising.

And now.. he is 'disturbing' me as I try to concentrate on blogging.

***

In the past 2 weeks, many many people grew older.

Including yours truly, of course.

I am balding. I don't like to age.

This is how much hair I lose.. almost daily.

Post natal hair loss is so NOT funny.

And it is scary to think that I will be in my late twenties soon. The thought of it is enough to get a NNB from me.

Peining turned 25 on 10th March, and Brian turned 26 9 days after I did.

I started my 26th birthday with 70 bucks poorer, after I had made a trip down to the doc's because I was coughing my lungs out.

It was THIS bad.

I made my way to work, with little people knowing it was my birthday.

Had lunch with Glenn and Boon Kiat, before I wrapped up some work.

Best part was, one pair of my favourite heels I was wearing broke, and I had to borrow a pair of slippers from Sisley, one of the very nice personal bankers.

I then met up with Potato for coffee, watching a pair of young teenagers dry-humping before us, before Jiali came down to meet up with us, and then loaned me her pair of heels to save the day(imagine I have to go get a new pair! Argh!).

Just before I wrapped the day up, EBB asked what was I up to, and what were my plans for the night.

As I said I was heading to Chijmes for dinner, and possibly heading for New Asis, I could almost hear the disapproval in his voice as he asked if I was going to club.

I gave a dry, patronising wide grin, before declaring it was my birthday. That would mean that it was only right for me to chill.

The dry grin also sent the message, 'I bet you didn't know it, do you? After all those heavy work talks you have put on me.'

He was slightly taken aback, and went, 'oh, you mean it is your birthday? Really?'

Duh.

I just smiled wryly before turning my back to him and walked off.

Since he doesn't really bother, why ask?

***

Some of the girlies were already there when Jiali dropped me and Potato off at Chijmes(thanks lovely, for the lift!). The lovely girlies decided to get together for my birthday.

It was a quiet, cosy night, and spending it with people I love was just simply amazing. Thanks people for making it a special night to remember :)

I applaud Uma's courage to join a bunch of people whom she was totally foreign to. But I am very very glad that you joined us, babe. She had came down after work just to have a drink with me just because it was my birthday.

Thank you, really.

I hope we didn't traumatise you much with our cryptic jokes and super-sleazy dinner talks.

Ai yooo.. I love these 2 bitches lor... or else dinner where got life, where got fun?

And I just have to put up this picture of them... cos it is simply so ugly.

Super ~~act~~ cute.

What's with the pouts?

The battle of the nostrils.

Silly girl pals are lovely. *Beams*

I have a group picture, but having no photoediting software would mean I cannot add brown fur to FF, and she would murder me and chop me up into pieces if I were to post it up.

*Bimbotic high-pitch voice* All my bestest friends forever in one single picture, you know!

Janise who hid behind me, she was very determined to make me look fat! Thanks babe for taking the time down to spend the evening with me despite your very heavy schedule. :)

And then, there were the guys. 2 of whom are too shy to make it here. JD's SYT, FF's Mr GN and Roy were all there you know!

Imagine if SBB were there too, it would be such a scandalous evening! Can play a table of scandalous mahjong!

Mr Roy even gave me birthday hug and kiss! Awwwww....

Eventually, I had 2 birthday kisses from the lads.

And wah! They really planted the kisses on my cheeks. Though I look like I enjoyed them here, my smile was actually frozen...

I blushed!

Roy and Brian, who gatecrashed(who invited you huh?) the do because he had work stuff to discuss with Roy and VampTreSS.

They, inclusive of Janise, turned the dinner into a work-infested one. Hello?!

That was then when they asked if I could take up the job for the next day. Wah. Instant job-offer on my birthday.

And the one.. who has been through much with me. Be happy, darling. I need to catch up with you man.

Uma preparing the cake(thanks Roy!).

Cheesecake!

Okay, cliche pictures of birthday girl with birthday cake.

They were nice to put only one candle.

Yes, I know. It is disgusting that someone turning 26 is still acting cute.

And yes.. wish-making. Blarblarblar... money... blarblarblar... Minibean... blarblarblar.. health... blarblarblar... happiness.

Another year passes just like this.

And in the past year, I became a Mum.

What a difference, a year makes.

Attack!

And that, sums up 070307.

***

It was 9th March 2007, a Friday.

After IT show, I walked briskly to Raffles City to meet up with Eileen and Mono, who were waiting for me to get off work.

I bumped into Johnson and Maybelle.. and it was a long, hard day.

Well, that phone call with SBB that morning, you see.

Anyway, the girls were having a gathering at Mike's(Peining's boyfriend) garage somewhere in Hillview Terrace to celebrate Peining and my birthday.

I wasn't quite feeling up to it over some stuff that were happening, but the girls liveliness perked me up a great deal.

I love girl pals for that very reason that they are always ready source of strength, and they are soooo good at making your day.

The original plan was to meet at 7.30pm, but we only arrived at 11pm after waiting an hour for the cab! Eventually we had to call for one.

***

But it was fffuuuuunnn cos the girlies were already tipsy and their antics were super funny.

Me, Wenmei, Eileen and the obviously high Peining.

Lihui(I absolutely adore this lass!), Wenmei, Eileen and I posing everywhere in the garage!

Imagine my surprise when I alighted from the cab and saw Lawrence, my mahjong kaki there. Since he is in the car-racing business, it is no wonder he knows Mike too. World is so small.

And for the first time, after knowing him for so long, we could have a proper, and more in-depth talk.

The lovely girlies gotten me these:
Whee.

Red, sexy heels.
And I have been saying how much I wanted a pair of red heels, and Wenmei had chosen them without knowing it!

So pretty!!

The girls had wanted to make me drink but I had just downed 8 pills at one go, and they didn't want me to be hospitalised for OD, and so I was spared. Heh, or else going by how bad a drinker I am, I would need to be carried home.

It was past midnight, and it was Peining's 25th! Whee! Happy birthday, babe!

Mike joining in as a threesome. Heh. Thanks for being such great hosts.

My turn to have a kiss from the pretty Eileen.

Thanks babes, for making my night.

We played 5-10, and I think I am getting better. Must practise more.

Getting old. It was nice to roam on the roads, and just have fun on the quiet stretch.

If I had my way, I would have danced along the road.

I took sips of white wine, and though I didn't have much, it was enough to get me a little tipsy. Plus the medication and stuck nose, I think I was pretty high, actually.

And I was hoping that would be enough to justify our vanity below:

And I miss the biking days, a lot.

Muahaha.

The girls glamming up for the camera.

Cough.

SBB took some time to get to the neighbourhood to pick me up home.

Miracle eh? That he was willing to do that.

And I guess it was to make up for something...

I have a post on it somewhere, that I didn't complete, and didn't want to go back to.

One day next week, perhaps I would.

The girls heard about the earlier episode, and then asked if it was SBB who picked me up. I knew they wouldn't want me to be still seeing him.. and I just trying to say it was a friend... Obviously it didn't work too well. Oops.

And as we headed back... I felt a tinge of coldness in me, that I had never felt.

***

16th March 2007. Friday.

Yet another birthday.

I met up with Tracy in the afternoon for a break, and we shopped a little to get a gift for the little boy.

It was really like shopping for a kid, and we got him a toy helicopter from Carrefour. Muahaha.

I realised there was a one-day Pampers sale, and Pampers was like going at 9 bucks cheaper. I lugged a box back to office and stashed it there.

I should have gotten more, but they don't fit into my this month's budget after my overspending. Sigh.

"Is he still contacting you?" Tracy asked.

Yup.

"Did he call you today?"

Quite a few times actually.

"You should just avoid."

Hmmm.

I got back to work, and then bumped into EBB again.

As we were in a very public place of my office, when I was walking up the stairs, he followed, and he suddenly reached out to me and touched my midriff, as I tried to shy away whilst turning left and right checking for clearance.

Very bold of him, I thought.

Strangely, I didn't feel that comfortable about it.

Then as I walked on, he pulled me by the arm forcefully and pulled me close as he leaned against the wall.

He stared on at my lips.. before leaning in to lick my lips with his tongue.

I took a glance to my right, before darting away.

"You're evil." I mused.

***

The day seemed to breeze past pretty swiftly.

I bumped into Bernice(*waves*) at Starbucks as I was waiting for Tracy.

It was fantastic to catch up with her after such a long while, and babe, it was really great seeing you.

Tracy reached and we went to get some sushi. They took a pretty long while to prepare to sushi and Tracy took the time to do some shopping to get herself out of her restrictive working gear.

The next time I saw her, she was in slippers, denim skirt, and singlet.

I changed out of my work skirt, and wore a pair of shorts, throwing on a white belt for the casual look. It looked misleadingly like I was wearing a skirt too short for the streets.

We stood by the roadside to cut the taxi queue ahead, and managed to catch a cab to Seletar, where Brian's home is.

We were all supposed to meet at 8pm, and Tracy invited 2 of her friends, who did not know Brian. And her friend actually reached the earliest.

Then, we helped his Mum with the food preparation and such, as she mistook me for one of his ex-colleagues.

Bleah.

Another of Tracy's friends reached, and throughout the night, I was jibed by them though it was only the first time I met them.

The audacity!! Tsk. Hmphf.

But they were great guys to hang out with, a pity they left earlier though.

Since we were the earliest, and thoroughly bored after we had folded the napkins, fall in the chicken wings, set up the table until there was nothing left to do, we did some cam-whoring with the birthday boy.

Tracy and I on the bench at the car porch.

Looks like we were in a park, eh?

Tracy's friend had reached earlier, and he asked if Brian's place is the one with many potted plants, to which I rolled my eyes and replied, "Tell me private residence where don't have potted plants one??"

Tracy and the birthday boy who looks a little spastic here.

Birthday boy doing what he does best, acting cool.

Then, he demanded a kiss in return of the one I had received from him. Cheap.

It was almost 9 when the others started streaming in(!!!! This group is never early! Grr...).

It was a cosy evening with the rest of the guys.

My little toyboy - Mork. Aww.. see I so shy.

Birthday boy with ~~a mole~~ Buttons.

So scandalous! Check out Mindy's gleeful and "hamsup" face.

So gay. Muahaha I particularly like how he was holding the sausage....

My cuz and Nick. I hope such stupidity doesn't run in the family....

The guys up to some mischief when Brian had bounced on Joo Yau's lap.. and a chain of unfortunate incidents happened that made my cuz slipper-less for the night.

The chaps.

This picture is all about Vamp's butt.

Brian's harem of bitches. And there is another version of this picture... courtesy of Nick.

Hilarious.

Auntie Marina and Uncle Ronnie, the fabulous host for the evening. Spent a great deal of the evening chatting with them at the dining table, as they recounted Brian's rebellious past.

Admire their patience dealing with a child like him. Hahaha.

I remember this part when I was smiling to myself when they were saying how it isn't easy to be parents.. and that we would only understand when we are parents ourselves. And the scariest part was when they say our children would end up like us.

I then thought of Minibean. And I thought of how much trouble I had brought to my parents as a child.

Then I thought to myself that I really wouldn't want her to become like me.

The coincidence is that, my colleague from the bank is actually the one who took care of their investment account.

The group of us. Stupid Nick insisted I am short and pushed me to the front just before this picture was snapped to stand with the shorties. Basket.

Almost seems like my birthday.

Another group picture.

We later adjourned to East Coast Park, and the lads decided to head down to skate park, where I had fallen so many times at.

Tracy is scared of dogs. Heh.. and the others tried to traumatise her as they put Buttons on her.

I thought this picture is nice.

We sat around to chat. It was a nice night, and I feel young all over again.

Nick's car was stopped by the police at the roadblock, and as usual, we waited for him for the longest time....

I was playing with Buttons(she's so lovely can?) when everyone else was looking at the camera. Bleah.

It was then I played frisbee for the first time in my life!

Had so much fun playing with the guys, as I overcame my clumsy self to reach out for the approaching terror.

Jumping up and down, as well as trying to master the art of throwing frisbee.

Fuuuuuuun.

I. need. to. slim. my. legs. I got ugly legs and post-natal fat legs are so not nice.

I need tips on how to get pretty legs.

It was a nice night to wrap the pensive evening up for me.

It has been a long time since I last exercised, and I hope the frisbee session with the gang would help, somehow.

It was 5am when Nick dropped me off at Thomson, and it took me a while before I could get a cab home.

Nice.

Oh yah. Happy birthday once again, birthday boy.

2007-03-17T23:57:00.000+08:00

EEK

I wanna blog but my silly blogger just couldn't upload any pictures.

Which is really pissing me off. Hmphf.

I surprised myself with my will-power, which is now officially of greater strength than my laziness.

I had reached home late from last night(which was really fun by the way), and went to sleep at 7 plus or 8 in the morning.

Before I went to sleep, I reminded myself that I need to make a work call in the morning before the office hours are over.

I went to sleep, and by the time I regained consciousness, I panicked a little cos it was already 1 plus in the noon, which was already too late.

I picked up my phone, and realised I had made a call out at 10 plus in the morning... and it was the work call that I had wanted to make.

I then vaguely recalled that I had indeed woken up to make a work call, whilst sounding really professional, and alert, though I had kept my eyes closed, and mind in screensaver mode throughout.

Wah!

I have strong subconsciousness.

***

I met up with 3 lovely ladies at 3pm for dimsum at China Square.

JD, her little princess and FF managed to persuade me to join them for some really nice dimsum.

Imagine my horror when I stepped into the building and a call came in to remind me that I was supposed to have a meeting in office at 3pm.

BLEAH!

I then rushed back to office at 4pm after my meal(a healthy gastric is also very important you see) with JD giving me a lift.

It was 7pm when I finally finished, and between the option of hitting town with my $600 worth of vouchers(yay! I collected my $400 Takashimaya vouchers... plus my ALDO and Wisma vouchers) and home, I opted for the latter.

SBB was on the phone with me as I walked home from the station.

Had my shower, did my laundry, had a little quiet time by the window with the radio playing, edited some pictures, did a little budgeting(I finally am starting to draw up an excel sheet to keep track of my spending) to scare myself a little(if I continue to spend like this, I would be squandering my savings and pay away. I need more vouchers!), did a bit of follow-up, am doing a bit of blogging and am trying to convince myself to do some ironing(and sewing?).... before pampering myself with some CSI-ing.

Ahh.. life should be about such, no?

I so much wanted to play mahjong, you know?

I have not played a single game since... since.. since.. January? Or was that February. Not even during Chinese New Year!

***

Bleah. Tomorrow is Sunday and I am supposed to head back to office for some event going on.

The attire is going to be real interesting since I would be in shirt, pants, and *gasp* tie, just like the guys.

I think I am going to be handsome-r than them, you know?

***

I have been doing a bit of thinking recently. If only I could put to words those thoughts that are constantly running through my head.

Yes, I admit craving for companionship and the need for affection are my weaknesses.

But in no way do I want it to be something that allows them to think that it is a great way to take advantage of me of, nor do I want it to be something that makes others think less of me of.

It perturbs me a little when people do things I can't really comprehend, simply because my low self-esteem is a great puppet-string to pull.

I don't like to feel manipulated.

I remember my boss messaged me on Valentine's Day to ask if I had a date.

When I replied I wasn't looking for one, nor did I have one, his reply made me chuckle.

"Good, keep it that way. Remember, rule number 1, guys are all assholes, and they think single mothers are easy and quick fucks. Rule number 2, even when they do not look like one, always refer to rule number 1."

I agree wholeheartedly man.

Especially with the people I have been meeting these days, even the most gentlemanly of all, would surprise me otherwise.

Ah well. And what's with the silly notion of single mums are easy and quick fucks?

Screw(no pun intended!) those who think that way.

And yes.. for the flirting and dating part..

It doesn't change the fact that I want the best for my baby, and be the best I want to be, for myself.

I am still fiercely protective of Minibean, and I do not take my role as a mother lightly.

Nor should it be a statement of my character. It may be a huge flaw to some, but it should be in no way a representation of who I am when it comes to work, or as a friend, or as a mother.

***

I need to start saving up.

I need to get a laptop or something soon.

I need to get a microwave.

I need to get Minibean more clothes suited for 3-6 months baby.

I need to... pump up my savings so I could start doing investments and such.

You know, I realised I would have asked for something else if you ask me what's my wishlist again.

Something like.. you know, the vacuum cleaner-like thingy from OSIM.

I am becoming so domestical that I scare myself. It is almost like becoming a maid is my destiny.

Ah! Finally blogger is wisening up and loading my pictures.

So! More blogging coming from me later!

2007-03-17T06:56:00.001+08:00

AMAZING

I am such a living lie that I frighten myself sometimes.

I miss her so much.

Mum called to say her cough is getting worse, and that she coughed till she puked her milk out.

Mum asked me to bring her out so I could bring her to the doctor here.

I miss her so much. You have no idea.

2007-03-15T23:44:00.000+08:00

UHM.. MUM, THAT'S NOT FUNNY

When Mum and I spoke over the phone today, I told her to sort out the clothes Minibean has outgrown, so that I could pack them out and put/give them away.

Her response?

"Yah, keep them aside, so that next time when you gonna give birth again you can use them again."

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cough.

Okay.

I feel damn sick today.

And I got caught in the heavy downpour when it stormed in my area today.

Yet, I finally got many things done today.

My role as a housekeeper, keeping the house clean so if I were to bring her out over the weekend, it would be better for her.

Hope it burns enough calories as I sweat it out.

My role as a Mum. I finally got her stuff sorted out, and got Dad to bring out to her.

My role as my boss' subordinate. I think he is going to 'disown' me soon. He called whilst I was vacuuming the house, and I think I did most of my housechores with work calls coming in non-stop.

I got a positive SMS from a client who wasn't mine to begin with, and it made my day. *Beams*

And, in a nice surprise in life, I was informed that with my improvement to productions last month, I got a little incentive in the form of Takashimaya vouchers.

I happily asked if it was at least 20 bucks as I was standing in the pouring rain clunching on to the brolly, crossing the road.

And to utter joy joy(gee, baby talk is getting to me), it is 400 bucks!

I am thinking of doing a little surprise in return of the one yesterday.

But I am not exactly sure if I am feeling nice enough, when the time is already nearing midnight.

Ah... Be an angel, or not? Tsk.

Baby is starting to grab things and apparently, she doesn't like toys very much. She even grabbed her cloth nappies off herself!

She was trying to flip over but my Mum laughed how her big tummy is in the way and she struggles to do so.

She is getting real talkative, and has an attitude that I am so proud of.

Like the mum, I told Mum. Like the dad, he told me.

"Tell me more about Charissa," he said, when I was drifting off to sleep last night.

I thought to myself, if only I am around her more often, I would have known her so much more, so much better to share.

Perhaps what I know, is as much as you do.

2007-03-15T03:59:00.000+08:00

NO ANSWER

On MSN...

EBB:
So you gonna forget I existed?
Ting:
Don't think I got that bad a memory.
EBB:
I am beginning to feel a little ignored. So do you want to spend more time together? Hang out?
Ting:
By the way.... there used to be this stall...
EBB:
Just a question. Any response?
EBB:
And your answer is...?

At the same time, on the phone.
SBB:
What's on your mind? Something not good?
Ting:
Don't know.
SBB:
So even if you knew, you wouldn't have told me right?
Ting:
Yup.
SBB:
So what's on your mind? Me? EBB? Work? Your self-esteem? Charissa? But then again, Charissa's a good thing not a bad thing, unless it's about her cough.
Ting:
Hmm.
SBB:
So what's the answer?
Ting:
Huh. Don't know. Why got 2 people ask me what is my answer at the same time??

***

SBB:
So what's the answer for both of us?
Ting:
No answer. No point for one. I mean, in the beginning, the 2 of them are not looking for answers from me anyway. They are perhaps just into the attention, and after the novelty wears off, they are no longer concern nor do I hold any significance.
SBB:
But your novelty like quite long already leh...
Ting:
^#$&%#$#

***

On a weird note, I've got menses!

But I am freaked out cos the last time I had, was only 18 days ago.

Eeeee. Don't want.

Well, thinking on the bright side, there wouldn't be a Microbean yet. Muahahaha.

I know you guys don't have to know this, but it is a real bitch when the time of the month hits when you are wearing thong(%#^%@#^%#) and that you are not a subscriber of tampons. First time ok.

I called for a cab and headed for home.

***

Ting:
Hungry.
SBB:
You come over here and we go supper.
Ting:
Don't want!
SBB:
Tsk. Why you stay so far?
Ting:
Very far meh?
SBB:
Sweets, I'll go do my stuff for a while, I'll give you a call later.
Ting:
What time?
SBB:
Say, 2.40am?
Ting:
*Checks time* (2.07am) Ok.

***

*Checks time* 2.40am - No call.

Thinks to self: Maybe I should just not pick up any calls from now on. Hurhurhur.

2.47am - Phone rang.

Thinks to self: Maybe.. I shouldn't pick up. Hmphf.

I still picked up anyway.

SBB:
Yadda yadda yadda.....
Ting:
Blarblarblar...
SBB:
Come over to my place to have supper with me?
Ting:
Don't want.
SBB:
Then I buy over for you?
Ting:
*ROLL EYES* Yah, right. Very funny.
SBB:
What is in for me if I come over with supper.
Ting:
Duh. Nothing.
SBB:
Oh well. I tried. I'm downstairs, do you want to come down and open the door for me?
Ting:
Ha ha. Very funny. Most likely you gonna make me run downstairs and then go ha-ha-ha on me when I fall for the trick right?
SBB:
I'll call your handphone while you walk down ok?

And oh yes, supper was very yummy. *BEAMS*

Gee. Someone actually bought supper and made a surprise trip down.

SBB:
I figured you need some cheering up.
Ting:
Duh? Need cheering up for what? I need to be cheered up meh?

So. Today is Thursday huh. 2 more days before I make a trip to Singapore Pools....

2007-03-15T00:25:00.001+08:00

BACK TO ROUTINE

Ever since that horrid conversation on early Friday morning, he has been strangely wonderful.

Guilt? Or just renewed interest? Or simply, he would not want to be the one to be walked out on?

Staying up with uncertainty, and picking me up from the birthday do on Friday night despite not knowing his way.

Then, making up to me as he held me close as I teared, humiliated.

Sending me to work on Saturday upon last minute notice.

Came over on Saturday night too despite I ended late.

Came over on Sunday night.

Sent me out on Monday.

Sent me home on Monday.

Sent me to work on Tuesday.

Came over after I reached home, with 'pampering and TLC' his only request.

Not bored yet huh?

***

Oh. Wah. Can you imagine, it has been one year since Minibean was conceived(yes yes, I know you guys don't have to know the exact date.. but it was 12th March? Early morning of 13th March, I think. But I don't know if it was the 1st or 2nd..... pretend you never read this)?

Cough.

***

I finally reached home early for once, in a long, long while.

Early enough to sit through 2 hours of American Idol and chill in front of my desktop, a luxury long eluded me.

EBB had been trying to ask me to hang out for tonight and last night, yet I guess we are really unfated, for both times he called, I was already heading home.

I think he thinks I am avoiding him.

I bought myself a top today, gotten some chocolate and cookies for a couple of colleagues, and I seem to have caught the shopping bug.

I feel... a need.. to buy.

Shoes, work clothes. Food.

Had dinner with Glenn at Plaza Singapura.

I will be going to the new branch tomorrow. I hope I will fit in well. I will miss so many people from the present branch.

***

Work was okay yesterday, though I had to rush back to my office for a meeting in the late noon.

Back in office post-IT Show was... awkward. Especially when the bank manager grinned and teased me after bumping into me on Thursday.

Had spent another 46 bucks on medical bills after my cold failed to get better. My 2nd trip to the doctor's in a week, and I am just hoping to get better so I could get to see my precious soon.

Rained so heavily.

Headed down to Chijmes to meet up with the girlies after chilling at the ice-cream cafe with other advisers who are part of the project.

I was out with the girlies last night at Hog's Breath, and later, Bobby's.

Girlies were cool, especially with Julia and Lily joining us this time round. Lily was teaching me how to get Minibean started as a water baby since she is the expert in teaching babies to swim.

I bumped into the cutie from church, and I giggled like a silly schoolgirl meeting her crush.

You should have seen how VampTreSS went, 'OOoooooh...' when I introduced him after he called out to me when he served our table.

I ate so much last night.

Steak. Yum. And I couldn't stop stealing others' food.

EBB called to ask where was I and if I wanted to accompany him to work late in the office.

Uhm.

Eventually I told him I would be heading home, and he asked if I was well enough to head back myself, or he could send me back, if I would wait for him to finish up with his work in the office.

I was too tired and sick, and I headed straight to the cab queue instead of waiting for him.

And also... I wouldn't know what sticky situation I would get myself into if I were to return to the office huh...

Cough.

The girls came to the conclusion that EBB is a very possessive being, and his actions are perhaps a representation of a need to intrude, invade, conquer and possess. Not surprising when he is.. *gasp*, a Scorpio.

***

"So, are you going to buy me supper or bring me go supper? Cos if you are not, perhaps I would go supper with EBB since he offered to send me back."

"I see you later then."

*Evil laughs*

I got back, and still insisted on SBB buying me pastries for supper despite the heavy, heavy dinner.

I didn't spare the chicken sandwich he was having too.

I must have been really, really tired.

I dozed off pretty swiftly despite trying to fight the sleepy bug away.

***

Monday was tiring.

SBB sent me to town for a post-event meeting with Brian, VampTreSS and Roy at City Hall, where I did a bit of shoe-browsing.

Preeeeettttttttyyyyy ssshhooooooeeees.

Funny how I was never a shoe-person, EVER, until now.

Must be the hormonal changes post-natal.

Still, shoes cut my poor feet :(

After joining his friends, he came over to pick me up home.

***

So fast, half the week is gone.

I don't know if I should look forward to tomorrow or not.

But I know, tomorrow is a new start, and hopefully, a good one, to kick off what I have been waiting for.

And some things, would now, be left behind.

2007-03-13T01:56:00.000+08:00

GORGEOUS PEOPLE I WORKED WITH...

From Thursday to Sunday, I had the privilege to work with some of the nicest girls I have met at events and shows.

First 3 days of the show, I was part of them, and Emelind(she's a great, cool chick!) stood in for me on the final day, and I think she did a fantastic job with her outgoing personality and spontaneous character.

Me and my fellow 'auntie'!

I remember the time when we applied self-tanning lotion on our hands wondering why there wasn't any effect.... until the next day when horror crept through us as we saw the effect.

I love this girl. She has attitude and her features are so defined and pretty!

One of the most, correction, she is THE most down-to-earth showgirls I ever worked with. And never a word of complaint despite the prolonged standing.

She is an absolute darling, really. *Beams*

Even the mean comments that came our ways in some forums, she had took it in her stride, laughing them off.

Honestly, the guys don't know what they are missing just because of unflattering pictures of her.

Damn. I need to shed some flabs.

And who can forget the fun-loving chicks who brought attitude and fun to the Lenovo brand!

The long-standing brand ambassador of Lenovo, the ever-lovely Elynn, who is such a hot-favourite amongst the photographers.

She is the head-turner wherever we go, and has no airs or whatsoever.

Angela the spunky babe. Tall, full of character and has nice tatts!

A pity didn't quite get Pauline's pictures, but I think she's really pretty.

In fact, the poor girl didn't even rest when she was bugged by cramps. She actually tried to hang on till her break time, before she went off to rest.

The girls were fabulous.

When I dropped by on the last day to take pictures.. it was lotsa great fun, but VampTreSS hasn't sent us those.. ahem, private collection yet.

Woohoo.

Will post them up once Auntie VampTreSS gets them to me.

I will never want to stand closest to the camera ever again. And look how the 2 girls are trying to accomodate our heights. Tsk.

Angela, me, Elynn and Pauline.

The 4 babes, on the last day of the IT Show.

Out. Of. Place. Tsk. Heh, but guys would love to be in my position surrounded by babes.

And of course.. there's a 3 month-old showgirl-in-training...

Mummy misses you...

2007-03-12T14:50:00.001+08:00

WITH FRIENDS LIKE THESE...

.. no wonder guys got scare away.

I mean, like, er, seriously.

A chill-out night with the usual crazy gang of old fogeys after the IT show concluded was the mistake of the day.

***Edited: The jump in the statistic made me jump a little.

Hello to the hardwarezone peeps looking for the ahem, ghastly Auntie(yours truly) */waves here.

ADD: Maybe another 15 years you can stalk her daughter, who is about a year old now.

Quoting someone who mentioned the above: By the way, my little baby is only about 3 months, so you have to wait more than 15 years before it's legal!

I promise to post up pictures from the IT show soon, if you guys are looking out for hot Elynn, gorgeous Emelind, spunky Angela and babelicious Pauline.

***

Nick and Tracy had picked up VampTreSS and I from Suntec, before sending us down to East Coast Park McDee's to meet up with Roy, Brian, Mindy, Jianmin and Sharon.

It was a break we had looked forward to after having a harsh 4-day event.

Ok. That's not the point.

I felt the red little pretty phone of mine buzzing to life, and whipped it out of my bag.

A message from Elevator Boy.

Feeling absolutely bewildered, since he rarely messages me, I was even more puzzled to see the message to be 'You messaged me? Or another person?'.

I opened up my outbox, and saw a sent message.

Wondering if I had misent a previous message, I checked and saw, 'I need it...' with a suggestive trailing end to it.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I squealed upon realisation and McDees became a war zone.

Bones of chicken wings were propelled, wet tissue papers were thrown, anything available on the table was flung to Nick's direction as he made a quick exit to hide away from my brutal attack.

The expletives came fast and swift. 'Oiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii you want me to die ah!!!' I covered my face in absolute embarrassment.

15 minutes earlier, Nick had suddenly mentioned about Elevator Boy(EBB), and had asked if his name was XXX.

~~Being absolutely stupid~~Feeling puzzled, I replied no, and said incidentally, the first 2 alphabets are the same, and the name is close enough.

I eventually muttered out the name.

BIG MISTAKE.

He had used my phone to message EBB!

Damage control. I thought 'I need it...' could mean, well, say, I was asking some colleague to bring along something that I would need the next day.

'Eh? Oops sorry messaged someone to bring something for me tomorrow'

I could have added that it was me who sent it by mistake, but then apparently the war was going on hot and violent, that I didn't quite check the message I sent out.

So, I thought it would wrap things up pretty swiftly, right?

I mean, EBB has this habit of giving short, crisp answers over SMSes, and then just let them die a natural, boring death.

But. Uhm. No.

'Oh. Thought you message me. Was debating(I think he meant deliberating) whether to answer likewise.'

Huh? The reply... er, was out of expectation, and took me by surprise.

The rest were quick to snatch my phone and I retaliated by taking Nick's phone to send a message to his ex-girlfriend.

"I still love you. Can I come over tonight?"

To which he laughed, 'Haha! She's in Egypt and didn't bring her phone!'

Before he could finish his sentence, his phone beeped to life in his hand, and evoked a round of laughter from us.

She asked if he was joking and said it scared the hell outta her.

Muahahahahaha.

And oh, back to EBB, I cringed and smacked my palm to my head, wondering what to reply.

I could only play dumb.

'Huh? Likewise what? What u need?'

And because of the kind of friends I have.. it had accidentally became a somewhat MF session.

Tsk. Tsk. Tsk.

To which, he replied a conclusive, 'It's ok.' which didn't garner other response from me.

Then, another buzz from the handphone came 15 minutes later from EBB, and I made sure I checked my outbox to make sure he didn't reply me because of another booboo.

Er. Nope. He had sent another message after I didn't reply him.

'You weren't messaging me were you?'

I stared across the table and all of them were stifling their chuckles because this was what they had hoped the seemingly innocent 'I need it..' would achieve.

Honestly, I didn't read too much into his messages and not sure of the implications he had meant.

I stopped replying.

Until... when I was on the car, with Nick sending me home.

'Were you hoping I was?'

'Perhaps'

***

I got home around 2am and saw the MSN window blinking.

EBB:
Hi...
EBB:
Not asleep?
EBB:
Have a great week
EBB:
Hope you do really well at your new place.
EBB:
You are missed

Timecheck: After the string of SMSes were exchanged.

***

Sheesh. I didn't update him that I would be back to the same place tomorrow because we might make some other new arrangements.

That would mean I might not be making the new shift.

Gasp.

***

Really. With friends like these, who needs enemies?

And no wonder... guys stay far, far, away.

2007-03-11T15:31:00.001+08:00

BUSY. BUSY

11 days since I last updated. I remember the last time I didn't update for so long, many things happened at sonic-speed.

And in these 11 days, the ups and downs are even much more of earth-shaking(well.. there was a earthquake, wasn't it? On the day before my 26th) events that took place in my life.

I wonder how long, before I could finally finish with them.

In the last 11 days, I...

1) Turned 26(7th). Had a lovely quiet evening with people I adore.
2) Shared a kiss... with EBB when he grabbed me to a stairways(and later on, er, an office), which was a rather.. strange experience(6th). I didn't understand it. Was that the reason why I didn't feel the earthquake?
3) Did the IT show for 3 days(8th-10th). Excruciating. It wasn't much of tiring, but it was just.. a miserable experience for me to grapple with self-esteem issue. I had a good bawl.
4) Went for family reunion dinner with Minibean(4th). I received an email from an auntie, whom I thought was concerned. I felt comfortable enough to send out an email to shed a bit of light.. and garnered no replies from then on.
5) Missed Minibean so much that I went in on a Thursday(1st) at midnight after work just to see her. Played with her till 3am as she fell asleep in my arms, before I went to sleep for 3 and half hours, and took a jam-ish trip back to Mac House from JB the next morning.
6) Oh, that was when EBB, did his elevator moves again(2nd).
7) Fell sick, badly. Minibean fell sick too. Must be me. I shouldn't have gotten so close to her on Sunday and went to see her on Thursday.
8) Walked to IBP in black-knitted long-sleeved, pencil skirt and killer high heels(5th). Had dinner with Janise and FF at Pizza Hut, before I watched Pursuit of Happyness with FF. I adored that movie. She very nicely sent me back home in a cab though it wasn't on the way.
9) Was called a Chimney by CBB. Gee. That sounds.. familiar.
10) Have a new arrangement for work. I might be transferring to another branch.
11) Possibly pissed my boss so much that he didn't reply my message after missing the meeting on Friday.
12) Bumped into the bank manager(after lunch) AND my own manager(on my way to dinner) on the 1st day of IT show. Someone just kill me. It was.. just embarrassing. Hahaha.
13) Had a lovely, lovely sweet lady who came up to me and sang the prettiest birthday song to me in short seconds... Thanks Bittersweetmin :) I very shy. I didn't dare to look at her into her eyes.
14) Had my life changed, had a part of me died, on the late night of 8th, early morning of 9th. He killed me, for good.
15) Slept for only a few hours on my birthday before rushing to IT show. On Thursday, I slept an hour plus. On Friday, I slept only 2-3 hours. I didn't know how I survived.
16) Became an absolute bitch. No, not slut, but a catty bitch. I awe myself sometimes.
17) Received flowers. Very beautiful flowers(but why got blue again!!!). From a friend, who wanted to cheer me up. Friends... are amazing.
18) Attended Raf's wedding(3rd) and then met many of the old faces I used to see everyday. Things changed, definitely. It was sweet nonetheless. And I went on to meet up with some girlies, who were trying to match-make me with a really cute and attractive male...
19) Heard Minibean sing. Yes. She sings.

It is barely a week since I last saw her. But her teeth are indeed growing out already. Her upper front teeth are threatening to emerge too.

She went to the doctor twice in this week, after coughing non-stop. My bad.

But, despite the redness in the throat and coughing, she started yelling and raising her voice, as she finally learns how to vocalise her voice.

She wasn't yelling in discomfort, but in joy as she finally found a voice to response to things around her.

It is amazing when you see how fast she picks things up.

I was looking at her, and jokingly put a fist to my mouth so she would imitate me to chew on her fist.

She looked at me, and held her fist to her mouth.

My mum put her small hands around the milk bottle as if to hold the bottle(of course she still couldn't do it), and it just took days before she instinctively held her tiny fingers round the milk bottle as I fed her.

She was just making short, babyish noises that were limited to 'ang.. gu.. ehh.. uhh' when I last saw her a week ago.

In the mid week, Mum called, and I heard her dragging her voice, and changing notes as she went along, as if she was really singing.

And this happens, when Mum told her to 'Sing for mummy', and she would start to 'AhhHhhhHHhhHh....' as you can hear her giggle. She would 'sing' on cue. The magic word, is simply, 'Baby, sing!'

I put her on speaker when I was with the guys(Roy, Emelind, VampTreSS, Brian, Chrissy and Andre) having lunch yesterday, and though she wasn't pitch perfect, but it was... amazing. She just wouldn't stop.

And she only does it when on cue, and not use it(Thank God!) to get attention or throw tantrums.

She is just 3 months old!

I might have an idol material in the making. How? Anyone wanna sign contract now?

And when my mum flicker her hands when singing twinkle twinkle to Minibean, I was told that Minibean brought up her hand and fumbled with them, as if trying to imitate.

Now, I am just worried she might suddenly call me Mummy when she is 4 months.

Oh, did I mention how she was lying in her bouncer while singing to me, when she got so excited that she started kicking her feet, waving her hands... and she forcefully lurched her body forward. Gee.. and she nearly launched herself off the bouncer.

She is THAT strong.

I have an early bloomer here.

My pride.

Now, as I struggle with house chores, blogging, and hanging up the laundry, I shall take my leave cos I am heading down to the IT show again.

At least I am not working today!

Whee.

2007-03-09T11:00:00.000+08:00

A DAY TO REMEMBER

If I emerge from today unscarthed, I would be a stronger person than before.

I woke up and felt like shit today.

I just watched the biggest and most interesting comedy I ever did in my life, and I can't help but mused how laughable it was.

I was laughing at myself.

After only an hour of sleep. I woke up to find 5 messages, several missed calls, and another 5 messages coming in one after another.

I have to look pretty and smile today.

But I am so fucked.

So fucked.

I didn't know there is a branch meeting today, which I overslept.

Boss is not going to be very happy.

I got 3 more bosses to please today(Vamp, Roy and Brian), and looking like shit and being fucking late is not helping too.

I didn't get up to do what I had to do either.

And I might have to end work at only 9 plus though I have a party to go to(well.. combined birthday) at 7.30pm.

Best.

I will laugh my day away.

Trust me, I will.

2007-03-07T02:47:00.001+08:00

THANKEEWWW

First to call, was Charissa. Mum called at 12 sharp, to put her on the phone. She tried to make some cute babyish sounds, as if singing me a birthday song.

When Mum got her off the phone, she started raising her voice, as if to ask to continue to be on the phone with her Mummy(me!).

I spoke to her, and her baby talks made me beam.

Then, Glenn's message came in.

Then, SBB called to sing in an awfu... awesome tune, a Chinese version of 'Happy birthday'. Tomorrow must buy 4-D.

Then, Dad called.

Then, VampTreSS called.

Then, Roy sang me Chinese version of Happy Birthday to me too.

Then, Meiling messaged me at 2.30am. Whee! And I have supper delivered at 2.30am!

And you guys know how I will never concede another year until 2.30am.

I am officially freaking 26.

And.. in the office today... yadda yadda yadda... happened.

I didn't feel the earth shake under my feet though.

Interestingly, between 12 plus to 2.20am, EBB had a confrontational talk with me. Mostly about work and him voicing his disapproval about stuff. How fun.

And from start to the end, no, he wasn't aware it was my birthday.

How interesting.

2007-03-05T23:39:00.000+08:00

"I WOULD HAVE...

... came over tonight, but I am just too tired."

To which, I coldly reply, 'Then you shouldn't even mention it now. ~~Some thoughts are better kept to yourself when they're not going to happen~~.'

In other news(besides the market downslide)....

... SBB did it again.

... EBB(Oh, the Elevator Boy) did it again.

And..

... Mmm... I met CBB again. And I wonder how he would react if I did to him what EBB did to me when I shared an elevator with him today.

Tsk tsk.

2007-03-05T22:30:00.000+08:00

PURSUIT OF HAPPYNESS

It has been a long while since I enjoyed a movie like I did today, with FF.

I like this movie.

I shall pursue my happyness.

2007-03-05T01:46:00.000+08:00

BIRTHDAY WISHLIST

For the first time in my life, I actually know what I want for my birthday.

And to thick-skinned-ly assume anyone is gonna get me anything is uhm, utterly silly.

But I know what I want.

Beside the top-of-the-list musthave: A heterosexual male stripper.

You know, I went to a hen's party without one, sigh.

BUT! What I really, really want... is a date to watch Phantom of the Opera with me.

You don't even have to pay for my ticket, you know?

It's like an almost impossible task. Yikes.

Uhm, alright, I shall make things simpler then.

ALDO shoes(Size 36! Even discounted ones!) and all sorts of pretty dresses(cough, size S for most.. or XS for some teehee) ... and er, ties(ahem. I like LOUD ones), do work too. Oh, maybe a few boxes of Whisper pads with wings will work too.

Those things are expensive and I almost forgot I would need them hereonforth.

If you intend to get me vibrators, dildos, butt plugs, condoms... no, I don't need them ~~since I already have them~~. Thank you very much.

But really, really... I so wanna watch Phantom of the Opera. *sulks*

I am willing to compromise the stripper for that.

On a side note, making 2 trips in and out of Malaysia in a single day is so not funny.

Especially when you are walking across the causeway along the bridge all by yourself near midnight.

But, I had the little one with me, meeting the rest of the family, just because I want her to be recognised as a part of the family.

It wasn't all smooth, but she gave me strength.

Love you, baby.

If Mummy can choose, the only thing she wants, is to have you with her, always.

2007-02-28T00:54:00.000+08:00

BACKDATED

*Edited: Finally loaded the pictures Kenny sent me!

I swear I am balding.

Post-natal hair drop is NOT funny.

I was running my fingers through my very coarse hair, and 6 strands conveniently left my head together with my fingers.

I swear I am getting old too.

The tension headache I have been having is NOT funny either.

I don't want to turn 26. I dread everytime the figures loom in my head.

Sometimes... despite everything, I feel like a 16 year-old.

Like Vamp said, I am grappling with esteem issues, like a 16 year-old coming to terms as she learns about her body.

I am in the phase that I feel guilty exploring, too conscious to explore, and yet, dying with curiosity to know.

I haven't been blogging much and I think I almost forgot what had happened since the 12th.

February has moved on too fast for me.

Let me recall.

13th February - I was back in my company's office for training, meeting and some other adminstrative stuff.

Lunched with my manager before it was a long talk regarding the direction of my career and such.

I was supposed to help a friend to arrange for flowers delivery but the person was on MC, and the flowers were delivered to me instead.

To go around town in a bouquet of flowers is silly.

Then it was a quick meeting, before I joined some of the guys for a drink at ground zero.

And then.. it was when some beans were spilled, and I was told to do the right thing.

Sometimes, we wouldn't know what is the right thing to do anymore, do we?

It was a relatively long talk before I met up with FF at Marina Square for Kenny Rogers. A young chap was checking out my flowers, before looking down on his, and then seemed half-praying that the girlfriend didn't see mine so that she wouldn't compare. Muahahaha. That chap was adorable.

Me and FF then walked over to Balaclava to meet up with JD, who was having a bad night after losing all the possible games. 5-10, 'frog-frog-jump(what the..?)', and the number guessing game.

After a while, I was talking to this particular guy, Evans, who is in the advertising field, and I got his contact, hopefully it would be useful for future events or collaborations.

The night ended with me trying to finish the big pint of Hoegaarden unsuccessfully. Joe then dropped me off by cab in Choa Chu Kang so I could deliver the flowers.

I took a train back, reaching home by midnight.

Wah. I understand the agony of guys and flowers.

***

14th February - It was a funny start to the morning when I saw someone entering the lift, looking a tad sickly.

I thought... he looked familiar.

I then browsed the directory of the building, and then there it was.

The name of the agency blinked back at me.

Evans was at the same building as I do!

Talk about eerie coincidence when I had only met him the night before.

Had lunch with the other 3 ISes. I think it was the first time when all 4 of us had lunch together since the start of our stints.

Met up with Guozheng for dinner to sneer at those irritating bouquets of flowers, and mock at those cheesy things people do on Valentine's Day(oh wow.. I am just green-eyed).

Trust me, I would never want a guy who works for APB...

We had a nice long talk over dinner, before it was time for me to move on to Zouk.

After waiting for more than half an hour, I felt a tad intimidated in the crowds.. maybe because of my insecurity acting up.

I called up the girls to bail out. They were just on their ways out to hail cabs.

I was told to stay put, and they would arrive shortly.

One girlie wanted to bring a guy.

When we called another, her guy was coming over and she bailed out too.

And the last girlie standing asked if I wanna join her and her date together for a drink.

I walked straight to the road to hail a cab home.

I so should have left earlier.

***

15th February - I got drenched in the rain. I met up with Berlinda to pass her some stuff at Park Mall when the sun was scorching hot.

It was merely 5 minutes before it became a heavy downpour.

A kind stranger shared her brolly with me.

But when I had to cross the road to get back to the building, as much as it was a short distance, it was enough to get me thoroughly wet from head to toe.

I remember dripping water as I walked into the banking hall.

A colleague pulled me by the arm to stop me as I was heading straight for the room. He insisted and directed me to the washroom to dry myself instead of allowing me to head up.

The colleague I didn't quite like was in the washroom but she very nicely helped to take napkins to dry me.

I stayed back a little while in the evening before I left with my colleagues.

I met up with a friend for dinner. Can consider as colleague too.

And gee. I will never look at an elevator the same way again.

Way up.

When a person has his nose touching yours and intimidating you as he corners you to the wall of a lift. What do you do?

Uhm. I acted busy and pressed for the lift.

Don't silly silly follow him into the elevator again for the cheap thrill on the way down.

Way down.

Though I have to admit it is pretty sensual to have someone sniffing down your neck, whispering '..Mmm.. you smell really good,' as his nose trailing up as he brings his face right before you.

And hurhur, what kind of mind game is it when the person entices you with his lips just centimeters away, before turning away, saying, 'Don't want.'

Out of the lift, back into the real world. 2 straight faces pretending nothing ever happened.

I bumped into Johnson from Playworks when I entered the train station.

I was on my way home on the train when apparently Tetanus saw me heading into the train.

Oh. Luckily no one saw me entering the lift. I so should have just grabbed his tie.

***

Straying thoughts: I saw the said friend again yesterday and he was in a tie as he was speaking to me.

I found myself staring at the tie and getting distracted.

They should ban ties at workplace.

And talking about work with that tie dangling.. just seems.. er, sexy?

Damn.

The tie and shirt thingy is getting to me these days.

And it doesn't help when I work in a corporate environment, where some of them wear really nice tie, and look really good with ties.

Ties.... and I saw many people wearing ties at Wenmei's wedding.

Oh yes. Ties. If I am a man, I am sure to collect ties. There's just something... so sexy about them.

*Silly drooly grin*

Slurp.

No no no. I don't like them neat. I like them with a shirt.

***

It was another day when we had dinner together with a few other pals.

My right heel was propped up by someone else.

I looked up and there he was, listening attentively to what the others were talking about, as he swung his foot, pushing my heel as he did so.

I am duly amazed by his ability to keep a straight face whilst ignoring the frown on my face.

I returned the cheekiness by focusing on my food, whilst running my heel up... and then.. down... his calf.

***

16th February - Whee! Everyone was in holiday mood already.

I had an agency lunch with the rest of the agency people at Dempsey. Ronald very kindly picked me up from MacDonald House and sent me there.

It was a nice lunch before I rushed back to branch.

Another eventless day.

I was supposed to meet a few people later in the night, and had the evening void unfilled.

And, Glenn very nicely perked me up with very lame jokes. And I mean.... L A M E.

Okay, I shall admit, I contributed to a huge bulk of the lameness as well. What can I say? When the day gets boring, it does silly things to me.

Absolute darling to have around at work!

Cheers me up, listens to my laments, tells me lame jokes, spares thoughts for everyone around him.

***

I met up with Raf the bride-to-be and Feroz post dinner.

I am so happy to see the 2 of them so happy.

And as I reminisced the past, it dawned on me that that particular phase of my life is already far and away.

I look back.. sometimes.

It was a candid reunion with me recounting my labour process.

***

I went down to Fluid bar to meet up with the most magnificent group of people.

People who I can be myself around, and I had an absolutely freaking good time with the gang from Playworks.

Seeing Elaine transforming into Erica after downing alcohol was an interesting sight.

Seeing how the cool bunch are so darn cool and laid back was refreshing.

I love these guys man.

It's a bitch that I had to make a career switch.

I love this cool chick man. She used to accompany me to the toilet to puke when I was pregnant with Minibean.

With everyone else that night.

Then a Hoegaarden was served.. and I morphed into a pink ball of something.

Whee! So cute!

Me and Adam(another Scorpio!), who was my neighbour until he moved away. Uber cool guy.

Someone should keep alcohol away from the two of us...

And we are a cutie bunch of peeps!

Marcus was afraid he might be violated by the aggressive Erica that he (struggled to) keep his legs together, shielding his body with his bare hands. You might be able to notice a trail of tears telling stories of how he lost it to Erica...

Poor guy had a hard and abusive time at Fluid Bar.

We feel you Marcus... Alas we weren't able to protect you from the wild Erica. I hope it was good for you. Muahahaha.

I left my wallet at Fluid Bar and luckily the guys were still there when I reached home.

***

Went to work on Saturday. Was hoping that it would be busy enough to bring in a few cases, but it was relatively quiet yet again.

Andrew messaged me to head out for lunch and shopping, and since I wouldn't be returning to JB till evening, I agreed.

I didn't realise I was trapped behind the door leading to the toilet until Joey came to my rescue.

We talked for a while and then we saw the guys heading out.

Andrew was with the guys and apparently I had missed all his calls since I didn't have my handphone with me.

I joined them for lunch at Crystal Jade and Mr Scorpio sarcastically reminded me not to order the eggplant claypot again.

Ah well.

Another colleague dropped us off at Takashimaya, before I roamed the shops with Mr Scorpio and Andrew to get their new year clothes.

I awed myself with my self-control. I didn't buy anything for Chinese New Year!

Andrew asked for my opinion sometimes and Mr Scorpio got on my nerves by telling him that nothing constructive would ever come from me.

!!!!

And eventually, he irritated me enough for me to tell him to buzz off.

I chose two A|X shirts for Andrew, and my taste was recognised when he decided to buy them off the shelves.

Walked. Walked. Walked. Very far.

I suddenly felt terribly tiny in the sea of people rushing for their last-minute shopping.

I wanted to buy something.. but decided against buying for the sake of buying.

Good choice, since the next few days, I didn't go any where either.

***

In this post, I blogged about how I brought Minibean out of Malaysia for a couple of days.

Can you believe it? She is almost 3 months old!

And that means she is fast approaching the next phase.

And earlier this week, my Mum had exclaimed that my darling babe is teething at the grand-old-age of 2 months ++.

She isn't grouchy, though she has been drooling excessively, stuffing her five fingers into her mouth(erm...) to munch on.

I hope she wouldn't feel too much discomfort nor would she get down with fever. Baby, mummy will be praying for you, okay?

Mummy very happy to hear the counting down on the television outside, when Minibean was in my arms.

Was playing with her and she gave me a big grin again.

I am glad she is always happy.

She tried to lick me when I brought her close to me.

One habit that dies hard since her birth.

Mummy kissed Minibean when the clock struck 12. Happy Chinese New year my precious. This new year is special because of you.

(Yes, yes Mummy, my eyes cannot open!)

Her looks are getting more defined.

Just like my dark eye rings too.
But the same couldn't be said about her chin(s) though...

'Happy Chinese New Year y'all!'

I slept early.

The next day evening, I brought her out, placing her in the car seat.

I don't think she enjoyed the car seat very much...

But I thought this picture is darn cute though.

Then I decided to carry her.. and the little one showed me what she was capable of.

(Uhm, this is a picture of my arm, and the thing you see is her tongue, not my boobie/nipnip)

She suckled on my arm relentlessly, and when I finally pulled her away... I found:

Horror of horrors!

A lovebite!

And she is like.. what?! 2 months plus old?

Tsk tsk. Kids these days...

***
19th February - Uncle Zhiliang visited Minibean.

The hungry one bottoms up her milk.

She held on to my hand as I fed her.
Her little feet and sturdy calves.

My baby.

***

Berlinda dropped by for a visit, followed by Yixuan who also dropped by as we caught up of the old times.

Minibean taking a nap, and one of the rare times she could enjoy her pacifier.

Old friends accompanied me this new year, and I am thankful for that.

Caught up with Yunfeng over the phone, and apparently he might be dropping by Mac House soon cos he is under the same organisation.

Had called up Henry for a game of mahjong.. I think I was feeling nostalgic that night.

I called up Edward's mum who dotes on me ever so much.

I think.. I miss the older times when things were simpler, and much more innocent.

***

Slept pretty early that night with Minibean next to me, after I changed her into her pyjamus.

She finally could fit into what Renee and Weiyang had bought for her!

Her little cutie blue outfit.

She looks fair and feminine here.

Whee!

I slept very well with her next to me again.

***

20th February - she woke up at 11 plus.

We waited till it was 2pm when Dad came back to pick us up.

I could have put her in the car seat, but I found myself finding hard to put her down.

She looked at me as if she understood.

I played with her for a while, before I left in a cab to head for City Square.

I walked to the custom to find the bus stop overwhelmed by people.

I decided to take a refreshing walk across the causeway.

I remember how as a kid, I used to cry everytime I board the train to head back to Seremban.. because I always watched Dad waving his hand as the train pulled out, and I felt sad.

I don't know the rationale behind it either.

It was 7 plus when I finally reached back Singapore.

I got home, and met JD, SYT and FF at Boat Quay.

I met up with FF first to grab a bite before the couple joined us.

We spent our time in this quiet karaoke pub, a nice chill place.

I enjoyed the simple night, before I returned to retire for the next early day.

***

21st February - Back to work!

I was too lazy to even dress up, and I turned up in glasses, bunned up hair and.. well, you get the picture.

Had dinner with Kristin and Glenn before they left for home.

I didn't realise JJ Lin is so short in person. It must be hard on him to have to go around in a cap and watching the floor tiles as he walks.

I was bored with my hair enough to head to the salon for a perm and trim.

I went in at 6 plus, I left only at 10 plus.

Strangely, I felt incredibly alone. Not lonely. But alone.

But I had a nice chat with a friend. Thank you.

***

22 February - Glenn asked me to cover his duty and I went back to branch early.

I left in the noon for Phoenix Hotel where my branch(not the bank branch) had a lunch event.

Ronald picked me up again, and this time, he informed me of the cute colleague who just joined the branch.

Strangely, he reminds me of Mr KG... and I enjoyed my lunch as I ogled at him. Hahaha.

It took a while, but I am finally breaking the ice with the people from agency. They have been a great bunch to be around, and I do wish everyone prosperity and good health for the coming lunar new year.

Ronald sent me back to branch before the day ended.

I finished off some work before I left for dinner with Glenn.

And then, Tracy and I met up to head down to Raffles Place there to meet up at Kelvin's stall with the rest(Max, Mork, Mindy, Brian, Vamp, Dexter, Frances, Nick, Teddy, Xueling and cousin) for dinner.

We later chilled at Hong Kong Cafe in Thomson area, before the very nice Teddy gave me a lift back.

***

23 February - Mum's birthday.

But I didn't get into Malaysia for her.

I sat around with Glenn chilling for a while before we joined some of the bankers whilst they had their dinner.

I then took a train down to Orchard.

As I walked towards Takashimaya, the sky was suddenly litted with a fireworks.

Oh. Chingay.

I saw the glitters filling up the sky prettily, and thought how beautiful they were.

I walked to Watson's to meet up with my old pals, Xinyi and Patricia.

Xinyi was my primary 4 - 6 classmate, whilst Patricia was in our class too in primary 5 and 6.

It was then when I knew Patricia used to have a crush on Mr KG as well.... erm, back in secondary school days. Heh.

It was a long catch up session as we travelled from Orchard to Clarke Quay. I have never hang out with these crazy girls ever since we graduated from primary school, and it was darn cool to be able to be crazy, chatty and boisterous around them without any awkwardness.

Love those babes!

We headed for MOS, where the music kinda sucked.

Me and the pretty Patricia.

She's a darn hot babe. I remember she already had a darn fabulous figure when she was 12.

I left MOS early, but I bumped into my 'date' - Mindy's brother, Mork, at the entrance.

We had an inside joke on Thursday night when they rest had tried to do the MILF thing on him since he was the youngest of the group. And something about me giving him an angbao... cough.

So we took a picture and he forwarded it to the rest just to joke that we were dating...

Ah well.

I got home and had a bad headache that lingered.

***

24th February - Had originally wanted to head to branch but the headache was one kind of tormenting.

It was a busy Saturday, with lotsa happenings that I wouldn't want to miss, but had to miss.

I had 5 invitations to 5 different events.

Primary school gathering, which is few and rare these days.

Wenmei's wedding, which I wouldn't miss.

Raf's hen's party.

Janise's birthday at Wala.

And a company dinner over at big boss' place.

When I dropped the dinner, my manager had asked me to reshuffle my schedule to make time for it, but it was almost impossible.

I thought I could just shuttle in between events, but I only managed to attend a short meet up with the Qihua girls before I rushed off to Wenmei's wedding.

I met up with the girls at the bowling alley at Marina Square, and I haven't seen them in the longest while.

This time, we met up with Meiyi, who was my school bus mate since I was 7, and Shuxian, who shared the same class as me throughout primary school years except primary 4.

And I had to miss her wedding last 8th December... since I was just fresh into confinement.

With Meiyi and Xinyi.

Our friendship is into its 19th year.

Another 19 year-old friendship.

I had a good time catching up with the girls.

It was funny how Shuxian asked if I had plastic surgery done since the last time I saw her cos I look different from primary school days. Feminity, she said.

Trust me, if anything, the first thing I would do is my nose.

And if I still look the way I was in primary school...... shoot me.

I was very happy to meet up with them, because it didn't feel like those meet-up-for-the-sake-of-meeting-up kinda gathering.

They were heading to Bugis to meet up with another few ex-classmates but I wasn't able to join them.

From Marina Mandarin, I made my way to Shangri La.

***

It was the most beautiful wedding I ever been to.

Of 2 who love each other, respect each other.

I remember the day when the test kit showed the dreaded lines to confirm my then worst fear, she was the first person who came to mind. I have no idea why, but she was.

Dotted, I am really happy for you. In fact, there was an odd motherly pride as I watch you in such bliss.

It has been a long while since a wedding is able to touch me, and as Sherry shared with me post-speech, she almost teared.

Likewise, me too.

As much as for the recent years, we haven't been hanging out much, and how our paths differ, but just wanna let you know how dear a friend you are to me.
I have yet to get all the pictures from the dinner, but I can tell you, it was a babefest.

Me with Peining before the camera died on me.

Wenmei and Gary's picture was behind us.

I saw many other babes whom I haven't met for a long while, like Yanyan, Huiling, etc.

They were all prettily dolled up for the event, and I had a nice time catching up with them.

Post-dinner, we went up to the couple's suite to egg Gary on for a striptease.

He did. But he stopped after the vest and tie came off.

Darn.

And when the bride threw her bouquet....

It was all a ploy!!!! Sabotage!

I wanna thank everyone for their kind co-peration to make sure I get the bouquet, so that it would give me a slight glimpse of hope that I would ever get myself off the shelves.

Thank you very much. Hurhurhur.

Gary congratulating the winner.

I should have prepared a speech.

It was 1am when everything was over. All of us except the newly-weds then adjourned to join the 'brothers'(groom's buddies)
and 'sisters'(bride's babelicious buddies) at Velvet.

Lihui, Jasmine and I took Ben's car together with Paul to head to Zouk.

It was my 2nd trip ever to Velvet. So virginish.

Clubbing with the girls is never a disappointment.

I had a whale of a time there cos of the great company. It has been a long while since I enjoyed myself that much clubbing.

I picked up the game 5-10 though I sucked at it. And Ben took great advantage of my handicap(ever seen someone throwing nothing and shout 'all' and vice versa?), and I ended up losing whole night, to everyone, except once when I won him by sheer luck.

Drinking is not good for health. It is evil.

I remember teasing one guy of the group who had a tie on.. grabbing him towards me by the tie, though I shall not admit how we managed to sneak him in despite being only 15+.

Tsk!

And what can I say? Ties are... sexy. Shirts too.

I remember lip-kissing a few girls.. and had a very sexy bite on the shoulder from Jasmine.

Girls' lips are very soft. Very.

We danced. We drank. We laughed. We teased. We enjoyed a good time.

Some of them were returning to the hotel for the night, and we left to go back when some of the others left around 3 plus.

Ben drove Paul, Lihui and I back.

We chilled in the room for a while, before the rest of the little ones(ahem, the 4 under 21s) returned.

Eventually, Ben and Paul were heading home cos the little boys had some issues with them smoking in the room, and since Paul stays in the west, they offered to send me back too.

It was all work talk on the car. How sexy. Ben is actually in the same building as I do and from the organisation I am currently attached to, and Paul is also in the financial field too.

I tried getting Lihui to head back with me as well since getting home from Shangri La the next morning would sure be by cab anyway. Somehow, she didn't want to, and I left with the guys, after getting into a change of tees and berms, courtesy of Jiaqi.

I went home in the hotel's paper slippers which are much more comfortable than my heels.

It was a nice cosy sleep I had.

***

25th February - Went to baby Cherish's baby shower the next day.

Jasmine and Jason's baby is already a month old! That's so fast eh?

Baby looks very much like the pretty mom.

I remember someone asking me when I was about to hold baby Cherish, 'Do you know how to hold a baby.. you have to....'

Someone ask Janet as well, though her baby is already a year plus!

I smiled and replied I have a 2 plus month old darling at home.

'Oh. Don't look like,' they would say.

***

My manager sent me back home. And seeing his little boy in the car, makes me miss mine even more.

***

I met up with FF to go shoe shopping in the evening after my nap, and we chilled at Introbar.

It is a nice place to chill.

The night was quiet, but has a sweet serenity to it.

***

Went back to work on a Monday, with nothing much happening.

Except that I had late lunch with Kenny when he had dropped by.

~~Kenny, where are my pictures?~~

He waited for me to get off the phone.

Oops, something stuck in between my teeth. Hahaha!
At my usual haunt near my workplace!

Had dinner with one of my colleagues at Boat Quay.

Apparently he had skipped a dinner to have dinner with me.

Oh. I swear I saw George Lam trying to keep a low profile under a cap, and having dinner with some Asian girl, possibly Filipino. She was holding to his arms, I think.

And the funniest thing that could happen is, I was walking and I blurblur-ly pointed to a group of people, 'Oh... aren't those your colleagues?' before he walked briskly away and told me he hoped they hadn't seen him.

Then did I realise he had skipped the dinner.. and the colleagues had changed location!

I got home and spent the night drafting first part of this entry.

***

I went back to branch despite it wasn't my duty today to finish some stuff.

Had lunch with one of my colleagues, when Ronald came down to join us.

I feel better around this colleague cos he isn't as posh-totty like most of my other colleagues.

Perhaps the posh-tottiness intimidates me and I feel I couldn't quite be myself around them. Battling with self-esteem issues ain't helping either.

I wish I could do better. I know I am giving myself a lot of pressure, but it is also because of the expectations others have of me.

My manager wasn't too pleased when I got back to my own company's branch today.

I don't know. But I think I have other considerations up on my mind because Charissa is my main priority.

Today, is the day, I miss her so much that thinking of her brought tears to my eyes.

It doesn't help when I sat outside Harry's at Esplanade(hmm... oddly familiar place where I met SBB), and the band started playing 'Aint no sunshine'.

I had dinner with Yunfeng, whom I haven't met in years when he messaged me to ask if I was up for supper. I suggested dinner instead since I had my evening free after the meeting back in the main office.

We met up at Raffles City and walked to Peninsula to have dinner.

Then we walked to Esplanade, cutting across Padang to have drinks.

I then was told my first puppy-love ex-boyfriend should be getting married next year.

It was great meeting up with Yunfeng again, cos he is one of those friends so near yet so far. And he is one of the coolest guys I know. He didn't even flinch nor show any surprise when I baby-talked down the phone(while choking back tears) and then commented it was my baby.

I was pretty out of sorts for the night, but it was an old friend I was comfortable with that makes the night so much more bearable.

***

He kissed me on the shoulder as he said, 'You are doing a great job with her.'

I turned away and felt a tinge of sadness. I myself know it isn't good enough.

'I'm not good enough. I wonder when I can stop being such a disappointment.'

'It's not ideal, but with whatever you have, you are already doing very well.'

***

It was 2 nights of long talks till wee hours of the morning.

Catching up, and to be open. Vulnerable talks.

'I feel comfortable around you,' I muttered.

'I feel the same way too. Even if one day when we do move on, there always will be a bond there. Because of her.'

Isn't that worse than strings attached?

***

I miss the days when I could just lie beside someone, whilst he holds my hand to his chest as we fall asleep, and the other hand just snaking round me to hold me close.

Sans snoring, that is.

'Good morning,' he would chirped when I open my eyes, with a grin plastered to his face.

'Piggy,' he would then say, with a twinkle in his eyes as I hid under the duvet.

I would then purr in plenty of cosiness.

Then, he would offer a kiss on the lips despite the morning breath, as I consciously bring my hand to cover my mouth, saying, muffled, 'No! Morning breath.' and giggle like a silly little girl.

He would then laugh at me, and plant a smooch on my forehead instead.

However casual, however brief, it was nice.

***

I miss my baby.

As I watch mothers going by with babies in their arms.. I would take a lingering look and hope she is there with me.

2007-02-26T11:13:00.000+08:00

GLEE!

Over at mine the other night, CBB(cough, not SBB) casually asked if I was 48kg.

I sneered and lamented how it wasn't possible cos I just gave birth recently(well, not THAT recent anymore, but recent enough for me to push the blame to pregnancy!).

I hopped on the weighing scales today, and I saw 49kg. I snaked the tape around me, and saw 24.

I love mornings when figures and statistics are pretty.

Hehehehehehe.

2007-02-26T04:14:00.000+08:00

PHEW

I have been naughtier every day.

By anyone's standard, it's NOOOOO good.

And FF, phew, I didn't take your bet in the cab just now.

Or else I would have lost another 2 bucks due to the silly boy.

He just has to make me poorer, doesn't he?

Bleah.

2007-02-25T12:13:00.000+08:00

GEE, WHAT HAVE I DONE?

Drinking is not good for health.

Especially when it just takes me sips to get tipsy.

It blurs judgment, masks insecurity....... etc.

I wish I can blog. I have much events to attend these days.

I have been really naaaugghtttyyy.

But damn. I really need to get a much needed loving-loving soon.

More than half a year of celibacy. And still counting.

Hehehehe.

Oh yes. Happy birthday my dear Janise. Sorry I have to miss it this year though I had spent the past 2 with ya.

And... wishing Wenmei and Gary a happy and blissful marriage. Thanks for the supreme efforts of making sure the bouquet flew my way. Hurhurhur.

So who's going to marry me?!

You guys can start sending proposals through emails. Thank you very much.

And... it has been a long time since I attended such an elaborated and touching wedding.

And I mean.. one that will make a drop of tear linger, sending chills down the spine, just because, you know, they are meant for each other.

I attended too much weddings which I had doubts in my head, but this one, is THE wedding to remember for its goods.

Will blog more on it when the pictures start coming in.

And not to mention how the night got a little bit out of hand(Blardy hell. What have I done? How bizarre).

And what can I say? When the situation gets out of hand... you just have to offer something else to wriggle out of the situation.

Phew.

Was reading Wenmei's blog and then this was what she had written 2 years ago:

Anyway, I was reading Ting's blog and I realized how she led my sister and cousin astray. Tsk tsk... should never have left them alone. Like how she led me astray into underaged clubbing!! It's been 6 years! The very first time we met was on my 17th birthday by Hwachong's basketball courts. She was doing relief PE teaching for another class (which I had no idea). At that time, all I knew about her was that her irc nick = "Joewei" and she was perpetually 24/7 in '#hwachong' channel and we had been chatting online often. Sigh. Those days... IRC was quite 'in'.

She passed me a birthday card and I was so, so, so surprised to see that the card was from her. I guessed I must have told my other classmates because they had been chatting with her too. None of us had seen her before because she was doing her A levels in UK and a year older than us. Naturally, the guys were curious. In her blog, she said I paged her. Hmm... yah... I should think so.

And I forgot about this part till she reminded me at the chalet. She said that the very first time I went out with her was to East Coast Park. No... not to date, not to cycle, not to blade... but to book BBQ pit. Hahaha... seriously, I forgot all about that. You have to be at least 18 to be able to book a pit and according to her, since Shujun and I (the organizers) were both under 18, we asked her for help. Ting said she was very surprised by my thick-skinned-ness. Ehh... opps. I must have been really that thick-skinned then because I recalled borrowing a friend's IC for 3 months, just so that I could go Mambo every Wednesday. I think I am still very thick-skinned now anyway... so no difference.

When I was in J2, she crashed my juniors' orientation with me. I recalled donning a RGS uniform (couldn't risk wearing NYGH one since I had long hair already and didn't want to risk getting recognized) and Ting wore an AHS one. We had a fine time conning my juniors until I got busted by Alex who was in my junior class and also, my classmate's brother. He recognized me from the class photos... huh... so good visual memory??? Nevertheless, the 2 of us still had a great time... and I skipped all 3 days of my classes. Shiok man...

Till I read Ting's blog, I forgot that she knew my HC classmates and they apparently also seemed to have forgotten... citing that they couldn't recognize her. Hmmm... I think it's the permed hair la... not the weight gain part... oopsss...

And I also didn't realize that I kissed her that night! It was also reported that I shared a very long kiss with another girl. Was I that drunk? How come I can't remember? *ponders*

Somehow, I felt much when re-reading this again.

And for someone who had seen me through different phases, and I have seen her grow and bloom over the years... it has been amazing.

Finally, here is someone she truly deserves and loves her with all his heart... and someone who shows us, fairy tales do exist.

I wish you happiness Mei. Like Sherry said in her speech, you are a superwoman. And more.

2007-02-23T01:16:00.000+08:00

BAD GIRL TING, BAD GIRL

I haven't been blogging much about my work nor my personal life... everything that had happened in the past 2 weeks.

I have been naughty. Very, very naughty.

But I have a slight suspicion that I will be naughtier tonight.

Hurhurhur.

Tsk tsk. Bad girl. Behave.

2007-02-20T02:48:00.000+08:00

OH...

I sniffed trouble when Minibean frowned a little.

She pooed again.

Just when I was going to change her, something else made me yelped.

Wooohoo.

After having my last menstruation on 23 Feb 2006, it finally haunts me again.

So, welcome sanitary pads and PMS back into my life.

Now, now.

I know now.

Those are not bouts of Post Natal Blues, but the evil works of PMS.

Hurhurhur.

Beware. I bite.

Oh. That also means that I should avoid doing naughty stuff near my birthday again, if I don't want another battle in the delivery room on Minibean's first birthday.

Cough.

2007-02-19T13:54:00.001+08:00

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!

Greetings from Minibeanie and yours truly.

As much as I dreaded this Chinese New Year, but it is truly a bliss, and utterly blessed to have Minibean with me.

I am happy :D

And she more power than me, you know? It is now almost 1pm, and she is still snoozing on.

She didn't even wake up for any milk! Her previous meal was at 3am. And she fell asleep at 5am(!!).

Thus, I had a very fulfilling rest with her by my side last night, and she was the very first person I saw when my eyes opened.

I miss the days when I opened my eyes, and someone was there, and I could just stare at him at his most unguarded, most vulnerable.

That aside, Chinese New Year has been extremely quiet for me.

I didn't go visiting though Dad had wanted me to go visit my grandma yesterday when we headed out of JB.

But I wriggled out of the situation citing that it wouldn't be nice with me in a pair of FBT-shorts equivalent and grey tees to do any visiting.

Truth is, I don't really want to visit, except for my own pals.

I didn't feel the mood to celebrate, and I think with added pressure from my manager, I would rather be working throughout this new year.

But yeap, I am happy to do a temporary career switch to a Mom instead. *beams*

I didn't get any new year clothes this year. Nothing seems appealing. The only one I thought was nice in the display window, was already sold out.

I ended up looking at working gears instead, and saw a really nice jacket that would set my budget back by.... by.. quite a bit.

I wish I am a guy sometimes, the shirts/ties/cuff links seem so much more appealing. Shopping for guys is fun.

And remembering how some time last year, I was scouting the malls for apparels.. I found myself subconsciously looking out for stuff for people who are not there anymore.

I didn't even munch on any new year goodies. My favourite pineapple tarts and bak kwa seem less enticing this year.

My bad appetite in recent days seems to be the reason behind the disinterest.

No visiting. See no point to. My auntie is out of town, holidaying in London, so the only person I would love to visit within the family is already out of the equation.

I didn't even spring clean.

I only did some laundry yesterday on the first day of the new year cos I only have that much clothes to wear for work, and Wednesday is coming.

I would need to do some serious cleaning after this entry. I am living in a mess.

No painted nails. No nicely treated hair. No whatsoever. I think becoming a parent does such things to you.

I got back to JB after Dad picked me up with a friend in his car at around 6.30pm on New Year's Eve. It was raining heavily in town when Dad reached.

I got back home, changed, packed some stuff for Minibean, grabbed my passport, and headed home in shorts, tees, and glasses.

Mum had earlier called to ask me to dress up nicely and not turn up in my PJs, like how I had done so the previous time round.

I am not sure about the 'nicely' part, but at least I tried with the 'PJ' part.

After dropping Dad's friend off, and battling a slight jam, it was almost half past 8 when we reached back JB.

The little one was drifting off to sleep when I reached and she immediately woke up to play a little with me before she slept.

Dinner didn't start till almost 10pm.

It was quiet, like any other year. We just ate, without much conversations.

It was 10 plus when Nick called to inform me about the gathering at Ferris', but I was stuck in JB, and I had no intentions of bringing Minibean across the causeway at such late hours.

Basically, I just sat there alone to finish my meal since I am a pretty slow-eater.

Reunion dinners are just ceremonious routines.

***

It is a new year, and I felt myself suppressing my angst when I am over at Mum's.

I tried to rationalise it within myself, and decided that she has indeed changed and she does love Minibean with all her heart.

She is putting in good efforts.

But I still get intensely upset when she endlessly harped that 'ONLY I know what she wants, and ONLY I know her well' when I told her that Minibean can go without pacifier, or when I rebutted her that there isn't any need to pamper her to put her in the air-conditioned room.

And how when I was feeding her, she would insist on how Minibean would ONLY prefer her.

When I told her, how Minibean wasn't like that to begin with, and she could go without these when we took care of her in Singapore, she would go, 'What do you know? She is now different already cos she is 2 months plus!'

Anything, she would just say, 'Now she different already.'

And I feel darn territorial when she went, 'Where is MY girlgirl?' when playing with Minibean.

Rooooaaaaaarrrrr....

I couldn't wait to bring her out of JB, and have a great reluctance to bring her back to JB again.

I wonder if I could just bring her to work. Hmmmmmmmm......

Time to stop dreaming.

I spent some time playing with her, bonding with her behind locked doors, yet Mum couldn't stop knocking on the door and insisted on baby sleeping with her, and joining her to watch television.

But this year, unlike other years when I would constantly lose my patience when talking to Mum, I breathed, and I breathed.

I know she loves baby much, and I am thankful for that. So despite the annoyance, I took a step back to avoid any not-so-nice exchange of words, which would happen ever so often back in those days.

***

My Mum still doesn't know how to pronounce baby's Chinese name.

!!!!

And I had to correct her that she is not 'Po po' but 'Wai po'

I must start buying child-learning CDs.

For Mum, that is.

***

I did something really silly, and I nearly broke down at my mistake.

It wasn't much that it was a horrible mistake, but it was just something that further illustrates that how much a failure I am. As the role of a mother.

Did I mention how sometimes I am afraid to be around Beanie cos I am afraid I am not doing a good job?

On reunion dinner night, I was trimming her nails for her, when I suddenly saw blood on my hand.

It wasn't a lot, but it wasn't just a bit either.

Yes, I had accidentally cut her right thumb.

And I didn't even realise because she didn't even start to wail, and even gave me a slight smile, thinking I was playing with her.

I stopped, and sucked on her bleeding tiny little thumb.

There were 4 more fingers to go. But I didn't find any courage to continue, until the next day.

Sometimes, I joked to myself it builds character for her, and that she is a cool chick. But sometimes, I take it upon myself and chided myself for being not good enough.

***

By right, Dad was supposed to send us out at 6am in the morning cos he had work to do.

By the time we woke up, it was already late, like 10 plus?

I took a nap around 12, and woke up around 3pm.

Basically besides stoning and playing with baby, there wasn't much things to do.

It was 6 plus when we finally made our way out to Singapore. Yay.

Liberaaaaaateeeedddddd!

Minibean doesn't like to be carried lying down. She wants to held upright so she could see whatever that's around her.

She's a curious chick. I hope it's true when they say curious babies are smart babies.

Got home, and Dad sent us to Holland Village to meet up with the rest of the gang.

Nick, Roy and Audrey were there, and we coffee-d at ahem, T.C.C.(again!). Teddy joined us, before we all adjourned to Charles' place to meet up with the rest.

Some of the people were the very ones we met exactly a lunar year ago, same place.

And they were like, 'Er... last year we saw you, you weren't like that?'

Kenneth and Kristy(she was brilliant. Apparently her mum used to be a babysitter!) were good with her, and Bikai tamed the little shrewd well too!

Everyone got on well with Minibean, and she was happy to have guys to look at throughout the night.

And I mean, seriously.

She didn't take her eyes off Ferris. Perhaps because of his glasses.

Hmm, I think glasses work for her. Mummy prefers ties and shirts.

Roy kept carrying her and fed her water.

The mother-who-is-a-gambler made good use of her collarbones.

I think she brought luck to some of them, but me. I didn't lose much, since this year I bet conservatively.

But I did have a few good hands.

She was so excited that she refused to go to sleep.

Eventually Brian and Charles helped to carry her out in the pram, before Teddy sent us back.

It is of no wonder that even when she got home, she insisted on my company, before she drifted off to sleep.

And it's almost 2, and she is still sleeping!

Great, my lunch kaki is already here to visit, and after McDee's I would need to.. er, spring clean the house?

Oh. Laundry too. Bathe her. Feed her. Change her...

Have a great Chinese New Year everyone!

Mine is already great, because she is by my side. :)

2007-02-15T21:42:00.000+08:00

HOT COAL

Basket FF.

No wonder all the girls left me alone on a Valentine's night.

All of them had someone else by their side.

Me? Only taxi uncle can?

Sheesh.

Then again, now, she is not the only hot coal. For now.

I must clarify that it wasn't the work of the taxi uncle.

And it wasn't yesterday.

2007-02-15T00:29:00.000+08:00

JUST ANOTHER DAY

It is an irony that the cab reached the foot of my apartment at 12 midnight sharp.

It should be the end of the miserable day I have had. I told myself.

"You should be spending time on this day with people who you love and love you,' justified a girlie when asked why I should be heading out.

I shouldn't be here then.

And yes, I shouldn't be here.

Only if I had made the correct decision to be with her.

Phone call came in right after my shower.

And it would have felt so much better if I had heard her voice a little longer when I halted Mum to get her on the phone again.

But no, she hung up on me, leaving me holding on to the receiver in the silent room for a few more seconds than necessary.

And then, the dam broke.

She doesn't need me.

And yes, I am back to being alone again.

Alone in the office. Alone in the crowd. Alone in the darkness of my room.

If ever I felt I am close to the brink of PNB, I think, this is it.

2007-02-12T02:04:00.000+08:00

OVERDOSE

I finally am sitting down to blog. Possibly an overdose of it.

I have been out most of these days for the past 2 weeks, and I don't remember reaching home any earlier than 11pm.

And somehow, despite the intensity of thoughts inside my mind, I never quite find the time to jot them down here.

And within days, they dissipated and would perhaps never make it here.

I know I have much to update, yet at the same time, I seem reluctant to do so.

Actually sometimes, it's really boring at work with nothing much to do. The sucky thing is that I do not have internet access nor a laptop, or else I could have jotted down my thoughts all day, just to keep myself occupied.

After work, I would be too reluctant to cramp with the peak-hour crowd, and would usually hang out with the girlies, or just find programs to do just to avoid heading back to the cold and quiet home.

When I get back home, it would be too tiring to stay awake, and I make do with 5 hours of sleep every night before the vicious cycle starts all over again.

I tend to overdose on things I do. So perhaps I would end up locking myself up at home everyday soon, watching CSI.

Sometimes the emptiness sets in when I am in the midst of crowd, wondering how is Minibean coping without me(I think she is doing exceptionally well), and I would stare at her pictures to perk myself up.

Work has been okay, demoralising, but as always, I am still trying to see it in a positive light and hope things work out.

Am I being overly idealistic at times?

People at work... let's just say that one of my colleagues had been getting on my nerves once to often with relation to work. Last week was a breeze when she wasn't around, but whenever she is, her relentless interrogation and competitiveness(oh, and the sneakiness) just puts me and my other 3 colleagues off.

Besides that, my days are always brightened up by the other 2. Just a little sad that not only us, but most of the others involved in the project had been calling us up to tell us how demoralising they are too.

As much as I try to be encouraging and positive when they spoke about their doubts in coming days, I find myself slowly ain't that sure anymore.

I have met many people from my past this week. And it's strangely nice cos I actually feel the change within me.

Oh. Someone else at work pissed me off no end, and that's another story altogether. Perhaps some of you had thought the post drafted on Tuesday night referred to people at home, but no. It was because a friend who I thought is really nice(Mr Scorpio, no no, not that one I met on Tuesday night with the girlies) had been relentlessly putting me down and being really critical.

And I don't like feeling like an absolute failure with his stinging words. What can I say? A scorpio's sting, stings.

I shall not mention how on Thursday noon, he had met Minibean when I was hanging out with Roy and VampTreSS near my workplace, and I couldn't remember what was said before he made a comment before I went, 'Ya, ya, ya, go ahead and rub it in again.' with my eyes rolled.

I can't remember the exact exchange, but I remember it involved something that he said about me abandoning Minibean to leave her with my mum, which, to me, was a really low blow.

Don't ever comment anything about me shortchanging my baby. It fucking hurts like hell.

I gave a curt smile, before he further added on, 'Yeah what, I don't care about your feelings one anyway, I am more concerned about baby's feelings.'

Oh thanks. Like I already don't know.

Unhealthy.

He pissed me off further on Friday night with another harsh, presumptious statement from him. I think he really has something against me. It prompted me to blast an SMS to him telling that it was demoralising and annoying to keep having that from him, despite me finding him to be a really nice friend.

And perhaps his self-righteousness is in the way, and his condescending tones just make me feel worse about myself even though he might have meant well. Like I already don't feel bad enough. Damn.

Screw whatever things he had said if he doesn't care he wouldn't be telling me those things. Bullocks. I don't need to have my self-worth depreciating any further.

Don't ask me why I am over-reacting to all those things. I admit I am quite a bitch to him sometimes anyway. I told the girlies and Roy the things I did and say, and they were amazed I would ever react to anybody with such impatience. No good. My inner devil should stay tamed.

Eh, I was still telling myself I wasn't going to write about this.

***

Oh, I have been like scrutinising all my new colleagues' looks, and I ended up realising, all the guys I have ever been with... have puppy-eyes!

I was talking to one of the colleagues yesterday and I realised he has puppy-liked eyes. Beady and soulful. And I was intrigued. But then, I think it would be weird if I were to tell him that, cos he would end up mistakening me trying to pick him up, no?

And I have someone at work whom I thought is freaking gorgeous. I tend to gawk at her and coo over her endlessly to males and females alike. Vamp supposedly took a nice picture of her, but then she had accidentally deleted it. I damn sad can?

I am glad I am not a guy, or else I must have really sounded like a freak.

I think the manager is cute, but I get raised brows when I said that.

I thought this female colleague is hot too.

Damn, this people-watching business has got to stop.

But.. but.. but.. it's my job to check people out, no?

***

Changes.

On the 22nd Jan, I went nappy shopping.

I browsed the shelves, and realised how Minibean has indeed grown.

And thus, I have to switch from the above to:

It's amazing how she's growing.

And now, she is onto her 2nd pack of S-sized diapers. The irony is, I had a brief meet up with SBB, and he had to uncomfortably tag along as I grabbed a pack off the shelves.

***

Did I mention how much of a camwhore she is? She really flirts with the camera(and the guys too) despite being this young.

She would look intently into the camera, and have all sorts of expressions/looks for the camera. It's almost amazing.

The cool thing about her is, she likes to lie on the bed rather than to be carried. She doesn't like pacifier. She burps herself.

She is one cool chick.

Mum just called and was telling me how she pouted and readied her tears when my mum checked on her with a white, facial mask on.

Muahahaha. I think my mum scare her.

***

20th Jan - Eveline's wedding.

I haven't posted the pictures up yet, eh?

And I realised I haven't even posted the Christmas pictures! Damn.

Oh and her first month's too.

Double damn.

Anyway, Eveline's wedding was a sweet event, like I had previously posted.

So, here are the belated pictures.

Minibean heading out of the house in early morning to get her PR done.

I was half-hoping that the pillow with the popular Chinese prose would give her an early start if she were to sleep on it.

I think she's gonna be good in Chinese next time. Yay.

She better be. Or else she might have some problems writing her Chinese name, hehehe.

In the afternoon, we got to Eveline's lunch banquet, and Minibean started to work her stuff for the camera!

A slight smile for Mummy.

I have no idea why she is so easily captivated by male voices. She would start looking at them, mesmerised, and flash that captivating smile of hers whenever the guys started talking to her.

And no, she doesn't do that to the ladies, and even the guys were amazed when they saw her reactions.

With Queenie Jie jie, Tommi and Janet's little precious.

The little one pooed onto her shirt, and I had to change her into the top I bought for her.

Hopefully this would stop all the speculation of her gender. I have too much 'oh, he is so handsome' once to often.

I had wanted to take some pictures with her so I could print them out to put in my purse.

And she couldn't stop with the tongue-sticking habit.

I absolutely adore this picture. Nope, not because of the mahjong table, but because she looks so much of a Mummy's girl, so 'manja'!

One thing about Minibean is, she has the tendency to suckle me all over my body whenever I hold her close.

She would start dive in everywhere.

And it is almost impossible to take a picture with her lying still on my shoulder, before she would do this.

I think I make her hungry.

I really think so.

***

21st Jan. Oh.

I went out with a colleague for lunch after church, before we roamed the entire Orchard.

He was late('I meet you in half an hour' is in actual fact: Go home from Clementi, changed, before taking bus and train from where he stays, which is in the west).

I took sometime to sit down to talk to Emmelind, whom I bumped into at Plaza Singapura whilse waiting for him to reach town.

I was trying to help her get some fake-tan lotion, and we both tried it, disappointed that it didn't garner any results.

Eventually, I took a train down to Orchard, and I saw the backview of my colleague emerging out of the same train.

I smart. I suspected he was going to pull a 'VampTreSS' on me('I should be there in 10', which in fact was half an hour), and I went over later than was told.

We, or rather, he shopped around while I just browsed randomly. We bantered over diamonds('Don't you think diamonds are nice?' No. Why ah? why guys like diamonds ah?) in front of the shop windows of Cartier, Bvlgari and Tiffany, spoke about work, talked about Minibean when we lunched in Takashimaya(he asked for the 'manja' picture of Minibean I kept in my wallet), browsed books at Kinokuniya('Read more investment books to upgrade yourself!' *roll eyes*), before we sat down at Isetan Scotts' McCafe as I waited for VampTreSS so we could help her get some stuff needed for her shoot.

He was having dinner with some of his JC mates(very, very nice ~~nerds~~ people) over at Wheelock, and invited us over. I pulled VampTreSS along.

His poor mate had to buy all of us dinner because he had a pay raise. But the Japanese eatery has some great beef. Yummy.

He walked over to Wisma for a haircut and Vamp and I browsed for trackpants for her shoot. He thought we would take quite some time, and he made a move first.

We left perhaps just 45 seconds behind him, and didn't really stay long, but didn't see the need of catching up with him.

Just as I crossed the road to Wisma, I saw a familiar face walking in opposite direction to mine.

Gasp! A female colleague.

It would have been damn odd if I had bumped into her, walking beside him.

I mean, an innocent day out would have been misinterpreted, no?

Vamp and I then ended the night at Far East, where I saw a sobbing girl sitting by herself. I had a great urge to go over to give her a pat on the head to tell her everything's gonna be alright, but I thought I might just freak her out.

I took one last glance at her, before I boarded the cab.

When I reached home, I realised I had brought along Vamp's track pants which she needed the next day home with me. Booboo!

And the next morning when I woke up, I found the fake tan that didn't work had marked an out-of-place rectangular patch on my arm, where I applied it.

***

Some other belated pictures taken on 22nd Jan evening, after I got back from work.

Such a cutie. *Beams*

'Mummy, is my right profile nicer?'

A big grin for the camera.

Wheeeeee, double chin!

After she was changed for bed. Chilly night.

Still playing with her tongue.
Thick lips! She was trying to talk.

***

I pretty much had that week covered in this post.

***

Fast forward a week. 29th.

Was working on Monday. But nanny brought Minibean to Dhoby Ghaut to wait for me to finish work.

I had a bit of problem when I rushed to ICA to collect her PR, and I wrote a letter of authorisation for my dad to take it on my behalf to rush back to office.

Dad had fetched me from work, and my colleague messaged me a puzzling 'Wa.' when I got on the car.

I rushed back to office to finish some stuff, and then Brian called.

I was having a late lunch with Brian who was in the area, when my nanny turned up. I carried baby for a while and bumped into a couple of colleagues. I think Brian was slightly traumatised when I asked if he wanted to carry the baby for a while. It would be interesting to see the look on his face though.

Nanny brought her to walk the mall, whilst I returned to office to finish some stuff before heading out to join them.

Coincidentally, whilst waiting for my dad to fetch us from The Atrium, my manager and some of my agency guys were on their way to visit Jasmine who just gave birth and they stopped to say hi.

As usual, when baby heard male's voices, she woke up and just stared on inquisitely.

I carried her and she just kept staring at me as we went home in the peak hour traffic.

We packed a little more, I showered, and all of us made our way back into JB.

We dropped off my nanny at a petrol kiosk and I felt a sense of loss.

It was 10 plus when we finally reached my mum's, and it was great having home-cooked food once again.

But her over-eagerness made me feel even more dejected.

"Why are you not fat one ah?"

Duh....

It was 6 when I woke up the next day, battled the traffic to reach back to Singapore.

Tuesday. 30th Jan. Rushed some work, and returned back to office with paperwork.

Met up with Roy and Tracy for dinner at Crystal Jade(Yum!), and Brian joined us. We hanged around T.C.C.(which is my 2nd home these days) at the Atrium before we called it a night.

***

31st Jan.

Whee!

I had so much to look forward to.

I met up with VampTreSS in the late afternoon after the bank closed to do a shoot for her during my lunch time.

Alas, I had to change into sporty gear, carry an iPod, and dance to the music as she snapped away. Midriff and short skirt. Muahaha.

She found a white wall, behind the bank's building and settled us there.

Damn. It was the smoking area for the bank staff. So I cringed when I opened my eyes from the headswaying and fingers-snapping and saw 2 of them gawking at me and giggling.

Just stab me! *cowers in shame*

I didn't change since I was meeting the girlies later on for soccer match, and went back to office looking as out of place as a mice in a crowd of kitties.

Left office when it was time to and joined VampTreSS for a drink, listened to her, before she accompanied me to get to Kallang to meet the rest of the girlies by train.

I saw Mike, a very different Mike, at the Atrium. He said he was rushing to the stadium. Gee, I think the whole world was at the stadium.

And it was fffuuuuuuunnn to have a girls' night out at the stadium.

Potato, FF and I walked from the MRT station to the stadium, and I bumped into Edward while crossing the overhead bridge.

I had missed his housewarming last year, cos I was pregnant and I didn't want to do much explanations.

It was darn packed at the stadium. We managed to find JD in the midst.

And we were sitting right below the scoreboard, and we went crazy when Singapore scored.

We did many many Kallang waves(I tried to pull JD up together with me), and I was enjoying myself as I giggled to the people around me all trying to play commentators.

They cursed, they booed, they ooohhed, they ahhed, they scolded the referree, they were just a fanciful display of passion.

It was fun.

Potato acting chio.

We drew flags on our faces, and the pariah crayons didn't work hard enough.

We looked like we were Indonesia's supporters.

I had other pictures taken with the girlies, but I just remembered I haven't downloaded any photoshopping software to edit Miss Effy out of the picture.

I gave up drawing, and took out my mirror to draw this on my face:

Halfway through the match, Dad called, and as a wave of Kallang supporters was heading my way, I spoke to Minibean and the tears just flowed.

Memorable. Doing a wave with tears. Hahaha.

It was blardy cold night.

Me at the Singapore stadium, before its demolition, laced with the glory of a local victory at the last match it witnessed.

We adjourned to Kallang Oasis for supper.

I miss that place.

My parents used to bring me there for supper when I was really young and I know how much I looked forward to those days when I was younger.

I think the last time I went, it was the primary school days.

The glasses are still held up by metal braces.... and some things, never change with time.

And I kinda like it that way.

***

I turned up for work on Thursday to do case submission.

First day of February.

I was meticulous with the details but yet because of the new system in place, there was a booboo, which upset me greatly. It bounced 2 cases back, because a senseless piece of paper wasn't attached.

I think I had expected more out of myself. I didn't think there should be room for mistakes.

Though it happened because the instructions given by the alternative distribution side weren't clear enough, but.. argh.

And then, the week's frustration and dejection and Minibean's absence just got to me. I was talking to my fatherly colleague half way, and I just felt.. lost.

I teared in the office, hiding my face from the rest of the world. He went to Mr Scorpio to get tissue for me. Wronggggg move.

He came over and dapped my tears with his sleeve, before he started nagging.

Damn. Now Mr Scorpio ASSUMED I am weak. Now Mr Scorpio ASSUMED I am giving up. And now, Mr Scorpio has many many many assumptions and presumptions.

***

Was supposed to have dinner with Janise, but was lazy to walk around, and stayed in the office to wait for her call despite there wasn't anything much to do at work.

I was chatting to the Zhang Ziyi lookalike, whom I think looks really good.

Mr Scorpio's friend was supposed to meet him for dinner, and Mr Scorpio was taking his own sweet time.

My darling Jan had given the rough gauge of 7 plus.

Then I waited.

When it was like 8 plus, I was joking with Mr Scorpio that I should be dinnering with his friend and he could perhaps have dinner with Jan, cos he was making his friend waiting for him since 7.30pm.

It was almost 9 when Jan finally called, and I left office to meet up with her, and it was then when Mr Scorpio also leaving to meet his friend.

Eventually all 4 of us had dinner together.

Muahahaha, and Miss Jan traumatised the usually out-spoken Mr Scorpio so much that he was bearly uttering a word for the night. His very tamed and nice friend could only look on and smirk how it was such a humbling experience for Mr Scorpio.

Dinner was enjoyable, but not so for them cos they gave me the decision making power to order eggplant. You should see the expressions on their faces when I suggested that.

Eventually, I told them they don't have to go ahead with the order, yet they did, with great reluctance I might add.

But it's not that bad right??

I wasn't an eggplant-eater until I ate the eggplant at Crystal Jade when I was 19 with my teaching colleague.

We sat there till pretty late, laughing and chatting before we ended the night at almost 11?

I would have wanted to join Jan to hang out a little while more, but I was thoroughly exhausted.

Took a train back to the west with the friend, as we ~~bitched~~ chatted.

***

It was yet another day of waiting at work.

I went home right after work on Friday. Spoke about some work stuff with Roy and Brian. Wanted to take a rest, but didn't have the chance to.

I wanted to nap but didn't and ended up leaving the house in the evening to join the guys to blade.

And the rest of the story... is already in that blading post.

***

Saturday was supposed to be shop-for-work day.

Nothing productive from there.

Spent having dinner with colleague and his JC mates, cos I was wondering my colleague was in town to have dinner with and he asked me to join them.

Was supposed to head in to JB that night, but Mum didn't want me to go back at night by myself, and told me to stay put in Singapore.

Bumped into my ex whose friend recognised me.

Bumped into Eileen and her boyfriend.

4 of us had dinner at Raffles City this pizza place before we all walked down to Cathay to see if there's any show to watch.

Eventually we settled for Last King of Scotland, midnight show.

We waited at Ben's and Jerry's till midnight, chatting.

The show was pretty average though.

Hmm... *twiddle fingers*, I think I want to catch Illusionist.

Shared a cab to send colleague home first, before his friend dropped me off at mine, and he continued his way home.

Spoke lots of the labour process on the cab when his friend asked me.

***

Finally tried to get some sleep on last Sunday to prepare for Monday.

I think I drifted off into a nap when I was reading up some work. I was that tired.

***

I dreaded Monday for various reasons.

Sometimes, you just don't want to speak much cos you just don't feel up to it, but there will be occasions you HAVE to speak.

I was supposed to have an appointment in the morning, then lunch with Guozheng, then another appointment in the late noon.

The end results were the morning appointment was delayed, and Guozheng, ended early. Since I didn't know what time the appointment was going to be, I didn't have lunch with Guozheng, and he came by the branch for a short chat.

Horror of all horrors, he started talking to my colleague.

They were primary school mates.

And he joked to me that I should ask my colleague to rip his shirt off for me when I am bored, cos he has a nice bod.

Eeeeewwwww. The mental images! Noooooo!

I shall admit that very day, I had Ally McBeal-style vivid imagination when I walked past the said colleague.

Pui.

I was called to another appointment right after the delayed appointment. And it was a weird encounter cos the customer was quite an oddball.

Right after I finished with him, I met up with a neighbour of mine, who once picked me up in the train some one year plus ago.

I returned back to do some paperwork in the office.

Mr Scorpio was pretty unforgiving when he harshly chided me when I made a mistake on the form I was writing.

Nonetheless, he helped(albeit impatiently), and the issue was resolved.

I started with the other paperworks, and spoke to another about the odd customer that morning.

I didn't realise it was 10 when I finally left office to join VampTreSS, Brian and Roy for some business talk at the Esplanade.

It was a long talk to make some commitments amongst ourselves, and setting a direction of where we heading next, and the projects at hands.

Dad picked me up at around 1am, and sent me home.

***

I attended to a not-so-understanding client on Tuesday morning. Thank God for Dad who offered to drive me to Yishun, then to Dhoby Ghaut cos the place I was supposed to go was very inaccessible.

I went back to the bank and the dubious client didn't turn up like he said he would.

We called his numbers, but they were all.... invalid.

It was in the noon when he called to tell me he would turn up next day noon.

How odd.

I left branch to accompany one of the RMs to his new branch at Capital Square. I dropped by the branch to have a brief chat with Jeres, and we headed back to Valley Point for meeting together.

Not much people turned up for the meeting, and after it ended, I met up with Roy, before he sent me to Suntec.

I went to Suntec to run some errands, before I was supposed to meet... cough, Ben.

Ben ended up joining us girls, though we had wanted to go Paulaner to be away from Balaclava.

I should bring all guys out to meet my girl pals.

It is cool that they not only could help me keep him entertained, they could also help ask the questions I have always wanted to ask.

Say.. how many girls have you slept with?

Oh yes, I couldn't stop giggling when he replied, 'I don't know. More than 20? Between 20 to 100'?

Alas, he couldn't answer the question when they asked about something something girth something something length.

I cringed and was darn embarrassed when they started asking but... somehow I was thinking of bringing more guys out for them to interrogate the next time round.

Ho Ho Ho.

Hanging out with the girlies more at Balaclava, and I didn't really want the night to end though I was like have my thoughts faraway.

The girls had work the next day. I was so bored that I even asked SBB if he wants to come out for a drink, which like, never happened.

I think, I just have the great reluctance to head home.

Then sheesh, Mr Scorpio just had to put me down to make me feel even more demoralised.

Simply because I casually mentioned how I dread going to work and don't feel like going because we are not doing anything there.

Hello?! I bet majority of us feel that dread at some point or another. But doesn't mean we would act on it, right?

Argh. I mean, duh, it is just a rant and after that moment of frustration, we will just embrace the new day as it comes, no?

***

Was lunching with the RM on Wednesday when I bumped into Vivienne from my church.

It was another quiet day on Wednesday.

I had coffee with Roy and Brian about work yet again.

I wanted to shop for work wear, but nothing caught my fancy.

Dad picked me up from work and drove me home to change/shower.

He packed some dinner, and I made an impromptu trip back to Malaysia since I wasn't needed in the office on Thursday.

I miss my precious. I needed to see her to level out my sanity level. I wanted to cuddle her so much.

I went straight to the room to see her once I was there.

The moment I stepped in, she just kept looking at me, without diverting her attention even when Dad and Mum tried to call her and shift her focus.

She just kept looking on, as if she recognised it was me.

I held her up to cuddle her, and Mum started nagging how I shouldn't cos it would spoil her and how she doesn't like to be carried(uhm.. if she doesn't like to be carried, then it wouldn't be spoiling her right?). Then, she started saying how I should be doing this or that.

Uhm, then I reminded her that baby had been with me for a month and half before baby was with her for that week.

But I was feeling all sorts of complicated feelings when I was playing with Minibean, and Mum started telling her to recognise me as 'Jie jie'(sister), and joked that 'I am you Mummy'.

I felt.. sour.

She is MY daughter, and I don't have to be reminded that I am not doing my mothering duty with your territorial advances.

I feel terrible that I couldn't be around her, really. And I want to be the one caring for her, to see her everyday.

And I don't appreciate it, however harmless it may be, like how Mr Scorpio always questioned me as a mother, even though he didn't really mean it, or like how my Mum joked about baby should call her mother.

I was carrying Minibean when Mum kept saying, 'Let me carry..'

To a point that she didn't stop nagging and talking that I said, 'Hello? She my daughter, I her mother can? And I don't get to see her often.' before she backed off a little.

I insisted on bringing Minibean back to Singapore for a day, and followed my Dad to come out on Thursday early morning.

They didn't quite want to do so, cos they were saying how she is coping fine over there, and I shouldn't bring her around too often.

I insisted on spending some private time with her, and they relented.

That night, I was really tired from the week's event.

I missed the little one so much, and look how much she has grown.

She has grown to be so comfortable with the camera.

The little vain pot looks different in all pictures, and I like this one cos she looks so sweet and feminine in here:
She has got rosy cheeks beneath the tanned skin.

She is even tanner than I am when I am out in the sun so much more often.

My little precious cheered me up so much. She's so cute here.

Minibean flaunting her come-hither looks. You could faintly see her double lids.

And she started smiling happily when I chatted with her.

Aww.. and she fell asleep in my arms.

I want to be her hero, her protector, someone she could be proud of.

One day, I will be.

That night, I slept very well. Very, very well.

***

I carried her in my arms the next day, in the jam.

She was asleep all the way when I kidnapped her from my parents that morning.

It was 6 plus when we left JB, and it was almost 8 when we returned.

I had a shower, did my stuff, and fed her a round of milk before she went back to sleep.

I joined her for a nap, and amazingly, she didn't wake up 3 hours later like she would.

I slept soundly beside her till it was 12pm. I woke up to prepare to bring her out, and she finally did by 12.30pm.

I bathed her, played with her, before I let her have her milk.

We took a cab to Dhoby Ghaut(damn! Even off day also in the same place), where we met up with Auntie Vamp and Uncle Roy for lunch.

I really adore this picture I took of her in the cab. So attitude. I like.

Boon Kiat walked past and played with her, and she immediately started smiling non-stop.

My baby is a flirt.

Uncle Roy carried her, and she was happy too! She kept smiling when Auntie Vamp took pictures of her when Uncle Roy carried her.

We hung out at T.C.C. yet again, and she was curiously checking out everything around her.

I remember the last time when baby was in the area, this janitor auntie had wanted to look at her. I told her I would bring baby back one day to see her.

I ended up sneaking in to the bank, looking high and low for the auntie. But I didn't get to see her at all. *disappointed*

But I did see so many other people. And I still wonder why baby seems to favour uncles more than aunties. Mr Scorpio dropped by to see her for a little while, and even baby was intimidated by him can? She started pouting and threatened to cry when he started talking.

And that was when I joked how she doesn't like him, and he started saying that perhaps that dislike was for me since I 'abandoned' her. Bleah.

And he started telling me how I shouldn't be babytalking to her, cos she would learn better if I speak to her like an adult.

Oh well.

Baby was wearing what Auntie Janise bought for her.

Cute eh!

That's what happens when you have a less than capable mum.

She wouldn't stop staring at the camera.
Looks so Chinese New Year-ish.

She excitedly posed for the camera, and oh yes, she is working her charms.

I love this picture.

And this smile. THIS smile. And THAT. That glint in the eyes.

Mummy loves you Charissa. Mummy really does.

***

I was waiting for Sherry who was doing her facial, so that we could shop for Wenmei's hen's night stuff.

We met up for a bite, before going to Spotlight.

FF dropped by to see baby, and she couldn't stop carrying the little one.

My ex also dropped by to pass me some toys he had gotten for baby and it was a pity Minibean fell asleep for 15 minutes when he arrived. The very 15 minutes he was there. Woops.

Sherry went shopping with me as well, and she was brilliant with playing with baby. I got Minibean a car seat. Perhaps this way, Dad could fetch her to Singapore more often. :D

Thanks babe for the patience for the time when I had to feed her and change her nappy :)

When we were finally done, I was waiting for Dad to pick Minibean up.

Mr Scorpio's friend messaged me to ask me if I wanted to catch Happy Birthday.

Eh, maybe I should just name Mr Scorpio's friend KP, or MG? Oh another Scorpio, but a much nicer one. Oh well. He shall be Mr Niceguy then.

I told him I might not be able to rush in time, but he was welcomed to join me at Plaza Singapura for dinner.

He came down, and I didn't tell him Minibean was with me, until when he called to meet up, did I say, 'By the way, I am not alone.'

We were at the foodcourt, and Minibean fell asleep looking at him, and he mused that only then did he realise how boring he is.

Muahahaha.

Damn funny can, when he was pushing my pram for me when I carried Minibean, he was saying, 'Er, there are 2 categories of people I really wouldn't want to meet right now.'

"Anyone related to my parents, and my ex-girlfriend. I might go home to 'Boy ah, we need to have a good talk with you,' or get a couple of slaps across the face for the latter."

Muahaha.

I collected the bulky baby seat, before we went for tea at, oh yes, T.C.C. again.

I was feeding baby and talking to Mum at the same time when I saw a familiar figure walking past.

He turned and nodded, and I waved.

I told Niceguy, 'Eh! Your friend.'

He turned, much to the surprise of Mr Scorpio.

Apparently, Mr Scorpio is a workaholic and had just finished work at 10 plus, and was walking past to grab some dinner.

I waved Mr Scorpio over to join us, but T.C.C. was already closing.

We adjourned to McDee's, where they grabbed some bite, and I tried to pack some of Minibean's stuff.

Mr Niceguy was really nice to push the pram for me.

We sat around briefly to finish the drinks, and I thought of taking pictures of Minibean before she left.

I just casually placed Minibean on Mr Scorpio's sturdy thigh, and he instinctively held on to her as I dug for my camera in the bag.

And that oh-so-adorable little flirt started giving her charming smile, and couldn't stop giggling and drooling when he started speaking to her.

She never done that to me when I cuddled her.

That satisfied little smirk of her as she leaned in on the broad shoulder was darn cute.

Damn. What's with that sheer delirium? And that little shine in her eyes?

Dad called and I had to bring everything to his waiting car.

I was pushing the pram whilst Mr Niceguy held the car seat, and Mr Scorpio carried Minibean in his arms since I needed someone to hold her when I set up the car seat.

As we walked to the car, I turned to see how he carried Minibean reminded me of a picture of my dad carrying me when I was a baby.

And there she was, despite facing the front, she was holding up her head up, trying to give it a little twist so she could look at Mr Scorpio's face as he said, 'Now, it is my turn that I hope I don't bump into my parents' friends or relatives.'

It was a cold night.

I set up the seat, with my Dad striking up a conversation on how they were nice people cos they seemed to be good with Minibean(hello Dad? They have advantage cos Minibean prefers guys).

I packed some stuff into the paper bag, and held her from the arms of Mr Scorpio, gave her a really tight cuddle and smoochie, before I placed her into the seat.

I bade her goodbye, kissed her forehead, before she returned to JB with my Dad, with me left on my own again, to face the next working day.

I thanked the guys before I took a train home with Mr Niceguy towards the west.

Home was quiet, again.

Spoke to Mum to make sure baby was okay before I slept.

***

Friday was yet another day of waiting.

Had lunch with that neighbour whom I had met up earlier in the week.

Then I met up with some marketing staff for a brand of products to discuss some work stuff for the upcoming event.

Brian, Roy and Vamp came down too, and I could use their laptop for a while to check my work stuff.

I went back to the bank, before I ended the day of work, then I rejoined them for coffee again, to continue discussing the plans we have.

Roy and Vamp left. Mindy joined us.

2 of the RMs then asked me for coffee, and I left Brian and Mindy to do coffee with them first since one of them was leaving Singapore that very night.

Both are really nice people, and easy people to talk to.

I joined Brian and Mindy for dinner, and was totally exhausted by then.

Roy and Vamp joined us.

The guys were crazy, obsessed with my cushy palms, and Roy started commenting how my arms felt the same way.

I was treated like alien.

Then Brian joked that he would give me 2 bucks to feel if my boobs feel the same way like my palm, and Roy said he would pay me 10 not to let him touch.

I didn't get my 10 bucks yet. Dammit.

***

It is bad that when a chimney like Brian tells me I am like a chimney.

***

I did a brazzie cos I was bored. It feels good. It feels neat.

***

Overdose is when you sing KTV 3 times within 24 hours when you barely had your voice recovered from a bad flu.

You get superbly overdose on emo-ness too.

***

Roy, Vamp and I headed to Paradiz and sang KTV at around 11.30pm.

I left around 2 plus to head home to check my mails.

***

I woke up a very tired person on Saturday.

I returned back to work, anticipating a long day ahead.

My colleague waited for one of the bankers, and when he really had to leave, he asked me to take over the wait.

I did. And she was almost the last one to finish with her appointment, and I left after another fruitless day.

I was chatting with this particular colleague who also has nice puppy-eyes about the hen's night, and I was lamenting how there wouldn't be any stripper present for me to stuff a note or two down his G-string.

He joked that perhaps I should get Mr Scorpio.

Ew. I cringed when the mental image snuck in.

Ahhhh. Yikes.

Went to office to finish with some paperwork.

Went to get the tiara for Wenmei's hen's night.

Finally went for lunch around 3pm.

Met up with one of my favourite girlies, FF when she came down to Plaza Singapura.

She saved me from the predicament when someone had suddenly came up to me as I stood there at the Atrium and said, 'Hi Miss, I have never done this before, but I just want to tell you that you are very beautiful.'

Wah. Can float.

Sob sob. Not bad, I not auntie yet.

***

We walked to Paradiz to meet up with JD, and we girlies went for KTV to listen to the emo songs to make ourselves feel bad.

What an indulgence.

They don't even sing!

I played dice with FF, and the forfeit was to suck on a slice of lemon.

The sides of my lips felt stingy after that.

Ouch.

Luckily I won more than she did! :D

Do you feel better already?

*Chuckles*

***

We dined at Crystal Jade. This time, they ordered eggplant. Gee, finally someone who loves that dish.

We were walking out of Plaza Singapura when we were given roses by these guys who possibly were selling roses to raise money for Charity earlier in the day.

I actually frowned with mocked anger, 'Why? Is it because you think no one wanna buy us roses so you pity us? Hmphf.'

The 3 of us stood there each with a stalk of rose.

Damn.

The only time I received roses on Valentines' Day was.... from my Scorpio ex, who was trying to show that 'he could be nice too'. That very day, I broke up with him, cos seriously, did he get those roses in spite or what?

Gasp.

No wonder my karma is that I would always have crappy Valentines' Day without flowers.

Muahaha.

This year, what makes it so special is that I am helping my friend to get roses for a girl. So now, I understand the agony of guys to spend that kind of money on this day.

At least, I would have pretty babes, and lovely people to spend V-day with this year... hor JD, FF?

***

I left them to travel to HarbourFront.

St James Power Station.

Never been there.

And gee, my first clubbing event since... I was 6 and half months pregnant(oh yes, I was at MOS for a while and I did dance).

I was already darn tired.

They booked a KTV room at Dragonfly, and there was some misunderstanding with the management, and we were almost left without a room for the night.

It was nice seeing the girlies, and since the pictures are with them, I shall blog about it some other day.

Woohoo!

I hadn't have so much fun with them for a long while. I remember how I first started clubbing with Wenmei when she had wanted to.

And now? She is ending her bachelorette days.

We screamt to the songs, we jumped, we drank(uhm, everyone knows how bad I am at drinking, don't you?), we hugged, we shouted, we danced, we sang.. Did silly things in front of the camera. I certainly the images are healthy enough to be loaded her once they send to me.

This bunch of fun-loving, gorgeous girls is amazing. The good thing is, we had more chance to interact within the room.

We only adjourned to the dance floor after 3am, where I bumped into my co-worker, the Zhang Ziyi-lookalike.

The girls got up to the high platform since they were fairly high from the 2 bottles of drinks + lamborghini + waterfall.

The bride-to-be was the first to fall out, and I bet she is nursing a very bad hangover today.

It is always nice to be clubbing with the girls.

The funniest moment was when we were at St James, some guys came up to us to offer to buy drinks for us, and to invite us to join them.

Jasmine then held his chin, shifting it from left to right, and from right to left, before taking a good look of his face, and went, 'Sorry, I don't think so.'

Good one, darling.

I followed Roumin to 'collect' her tipsy boyfriend who was at Marina South at 4 plus, and they dropped me home at close to 5.

I was all glassy-eyed. From 2 sips of champagne, and couple of sips of some vile alcohol(Hennessy?) when I lost a few games of 5-10.

I still am very bad drinker.

***

Did house chores today. Scrubbed the toilet bowl, did laundry and such and such.

Went out for a movie with Mr Niceguy and returned only at 11.35pm. Tried to reach my boss for some work-talk, but he didn't answer the phone.

Happy Birthday has a pretty much predictable plot, but yet, it was simple and nice.

Was a sad story though.

And now, time for a good sleep to embrace the new week ahead.

Oh yeah, I have to meet a client for medical checkup tomorrow at Balestier. Then, another appointment in the afternoon with the banker. And and and.. the flowers. Gee.

Keeping my fingers cross.

What will it bring?

I really have no idea.

Oh, it's Chinese New Year this week?

Does it mean I get to take 2 angbaos since I am not married? Hahaha.

Fast. Too fast.

***

A friend whom I never met, left the country tonight.

To find back the self she lost. To lead the life she wants to.

She left without having the courage to let her parents know.

With her baby, to stand on her own 2 feet again.

I wish you well, my dear. I wish you well.

I wish you happiness. And I wish, one day, you would be back again.

Send Fifi my love. *Hug*

2007-02-07T20:24:00.000+08:00

GIRLS' NIGHT OUT - MY VERSION

I just finished showering with Dad waiting for me downstairs in the car.

I just couldn't stop laughing after reading FF and JD's accounts of our nights' out last night.

I seriously am loving guys in executive wear. With tie. With broad shoulders(I wanna dig my nails into them as I grab guys by the shoulders).

I am seriously ~~horny~~ in need of affection.

Anyway.

What can I say?

Never go on a date(gee, the X-th Scorpio I have went out with in just a week!) with your girlies around.

Hahahahahaha. I still find it darn hilarious when FF asked if I was still breastfeeding in front of my date, before slamming her palm into her head really hard, followed by JD's stern stare of 'Yeah, are you still breastfeeding?', and then FF grabbed her by the shoulder to stop the boo boo.

I could only laugh with my head into the air as I watched the duo covering up when my date(who is probably the only guy in my life still hadn't been informed about my new, ahem, MILF status. Guess what? My ex whom I bumped into at Raffles City was with a friend who recognised me from my blog, and now my ex has found out too!) was puzzled by the word breastfeeding.

FF was cringing and laughing over her boo boo, before the commotion died down after they covered it up by saying it was some fetish of nipples sucking yadda yadda......

It wasn't long before JD's friend, whom I met whilst pregnant, asking me where was my baby.

I laughed even more as I saw the duo's reactions... trying to ask if he meant my boyfriend, while he bewilderedly asked again, 'No, I mean your baby, you were pregnant right?'

Then they tried covering up again with, 'No! Her boyfriend!'

Before he saw light and went, 'Uh.. OH! Yah, your boyfriend, the baby!'

Muahahahahaha.

I tell you, their expressions were priceless.

Then I turned to my date, 'Yup, I am a new mom'.

And I still find it darn hilarious, especially seeing their reactions.

I love girls' night out.

I can indulge in emo-ness and everything seems right.

Yay.

And to see him again after 2 years... just seem.. odd.

Things don't seem that exciting anymore.

Or maybe.... there was something else on my mind.

Oh! I decide to kidnap baby out tomorrow.

Yay!

2007-02-07T01:55:00.000+08:00

ARGH

I freaking loathe presumptious people.

I freaking detest people who constantly put me down.

I freaking dislike people who trample on my self esteem.

I don't need that you know.

It's not as if they really know me that much, do they?

I don't have to be constantly be reminded that I am just not good enough. Thank you very much.

High horses. Condescending opinions. Whatever.

My week has been.. odd.

And as I learn more about myself, there are things people will never learn about me.

I don't like coming home anymore.

I can't believe it was an annoying exchange of smses that makes me realise how incredibly small I am.

Yah yah. Whatever they say is always right.

Whatever.

2007-02-03T17:09:00.000+08:00

SOMETHING STRANGE

Something really strange is happening to my life.

Really, really strange.

Right when I just casually mentioned the oddity of it, someone just had to add on to it.

I think there's a lesson for me to learn with this force that's pushing me out of my comfort zones, beyond my bounderies.

***

I went blading again last night after a very, very tiring and discouraging week.

It took me quite a bit to overcome the fear of the great falls I had the previous time I bladed. I was so tired that I dozed off on my bed before I was supposed to head out to meet Mindy, Mork, Brian and Roy.

It was a great escape to a lot of things I didn't want to face.

And gee, I was finally beginning to enjoy blading. Though I must say that it took me a freaking long time before I could gain enough confidence again.

Not forgetting how Roy had to hold my hand all the way as I bladed towards the skate park, and then Brian was the next knight in shining armour to hold my hand all the way back towards McDonanld's side.

Was able to up my pace and have a feel of what was wrong the previous time round.

I like it when the ground is dry. Hehehe.

And the total number of falls?

One.

And it was a loud bang to a start when I fell as I wore my blades and glided towards the rink.

As usual, I fell hard on my bum despite having spanking new sets of guards on my elbows, wrists and knees.

Roy had gotten them from me after my major falls the last time round.

One of the funnier things I learnt about myself was, I didn't dare to blade when there was a cockroach around though usually I would quickly run away from it.

Reason being I was afraid I might fall and land on the silly creature.

So I would stand still and just squealed for help.

***

I met up with the guys around 10 plus, spent another half an hour eating, and some more time putting on my blades. I still struggle to figure out how to put on a pair of blades. Like Cinderella you know? I would have the guys trying to help me to pull and tug the belts in.

And I was still telling myself that I should stop torturing my poor feet by squeezing them into tight, tormenting heels. Yet I left them with no space to breathe in the pair of blades.

The went up to a balcony with winding slopes, and I could only watch from below. Before Brian pulled me all the way to the top and left me there for dead.

Okay, not really.

They eventually taught me how to side-walk like a crab to reach ground zero safely.

My fingers were swollen by the time we stopped by Burger King for supper, from the very tight pair of new guards.

I could hardly feel them. Mork and Mindy then had a very good feel of my cushy palm, and they looked seriously traumatised by my meaty, soft palms(Mork: Eeee! Mindy: *speechless with eyes widened*). Maybe because my hands sweat a lot, marinated, you know?

The siblings got so intrigued that they got Roy and Brian to have a feel of my hand to see their reactions.

My palms are like stress balls. Hehehe.

***

We bladed to the skate shop for a break before the 3 of them left, leaving me and Roy behind around 2 plus. I was contemplating to take up Ben's offer to go for a drink but I didn't suppose Zouk would allow me in with my shorts and birkies, smelling like heaven too.

We messaged Brian to come down for a serious long talk, and it is interesting how things would go from there.

I am hopeful.

And.. it's time.

It was 6am when Roy finally left, and Mork dropped Brian and me off at Hotel 81...... to cross the road for breakfast.

It was more discussion there even though I was darn delirious after being awake for like more than 24 hours(with not enough sleep somemore!).

I hopped on a cab and finally headed for home, washed hair, and only slept around 9 plus, 10?

***

Minibean hasn't been around me for almost a week. Everyday when I call her, Mum would put the phone next to her, and she would respond by kicking and punching into the air excitedly, and she would smile brightly as if she could recognise my voice.

Yesterday, she was crying when I called, and she stopped almost immediately as she heard me.

On Tuesday and Wednesday, I could hear her cooings as she tried to 'converse' with me.

And on those 2 days, as I told her I miss her with my baby voice, tears just couldn't wait to flow.

Like how the girlies and I went for soccer match on Wednesday, the girls were already having tissue in hand when Mum called whilst we were having supper.

I miss her so terribly.

And this week, was a hard one to pass by.

I just feel... lost without her by my side.

I don't even return to home early, cos there wasn't dinner waiting for me, nor her gurgles to greet me as I walk through the door with, 'Hello Baby! Mummy's home!'.

Lost. Very lost.

***

I am tired of meeting people.

Really. I am either scared of them, or I try my darnest best to pissed them off to stay away from me.

Interestingly, in one of the verbal sparring sessions with my colleague, he casually said about himself, 'Sometimes it is just a social self to cover up the persona deep within.'

Don't we all behave that way to?

I try to be the girly bimbo, I try to be the petty one, I try to be the clueless one, I try to be the sensible one.

So much so that when I was quietened down on one of my work days, my colleague who is like a father figure to me commented that I was unusually quiet, and it scares him.

Maybe, I really I don't have the room to be myself.

More next time.

Don't know what to write anymore.

Heh.